Today, I came home early from work, and caught my girlfriend with my best friend. I forgave her. She thinks it's because I love her. It's because I wouldn't get laid otherwise. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend confessed to me that she'd cheated on me with my best friend. I can't get mad at her, because I cheated on her with him before she did. FML
Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML
Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML
Today, at a bar, a drunk girl kissed me, so I went home and confessed what happened to my girlfriend. She forgave me but took it as permission to admit she’s cheated sexually at least once a month for over a year, then got mad I didn’t immediately forgive her like she forgave me. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over a stupid argument, but after a long day we made up and got back together. Not long afterwards, my friend called, feeling guilty and confessing that he had sex with her after finding out she'd dumped me. FML
Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty, because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML
Today, my girlfriend confessed that she cheated on me with my best friend. The best part is that I couldn't tell her a thing, because I actually cheated on her with the same friend before. FML
Today, I came home from a weekend trip with some friends, and walked straight in on my girlfriend cheating on me. She burst into tears and began apologizing. Her exact words were "I'm so sorry! I thought you were coming back tomorrow." FML
Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say it when I caught him sleeping with my best friend. FML
Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML
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Top comments
sireen 0
you're pathetic.
EvilHippyEmperor 0
Why can I hear The Offspring's "Self Esteem" playing in my head?
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Comments (159)
Brooklynxman 0
Good plan....till you post it on the internet and she reads it.
plexico 4
That'll teach you to slack off at work, slack-ass! If only you came home as scheduled, your girlfriend could have completed her day job as a human cum dumpster, you best friend would have had his **** sucked and shot off his load, and you would have made some money. Then, when you make your pathetic effort to pleasure your girlfriend later on, she can convinvingly fake with the fresh memories of your virile best friend, and you would continue to believe you are adequate. Plus, you are poorer for the lost hours.
xxmollyxx 25
Lol
made_of_fail 0
Oh #47, I think I may love you for your words! ( Just a heads-up. )
plexico 4
Thanks, made_of_fail, you must have looked at my picture.
lessthanbee 0
bwahahaha, ftw plexico! *applauds* yeah, i agree. i think the only way to recover in this situation is to get your best friend to start paying you for 'services rendered' if you know what i'm saying. then, just hose her off, and make sure she gargles really good when you get home everyday, while collecting two paychecks.
plexico 4
Good extension, lessthanbee. I put my comment back on the dead dog FML. I hope you get to see it before it gets moderated again.
RhymePrime 7
Compensating.
apocalocyntosis 0
YDI for being enough of a douchebag to date someone just for the sex and then not even being able to please her.
bzlnv8 0
take some xxx pictures and share them, way to go!
katywants 0
ugh. please have some self-respect! go get a friends with benefits situation......don't actually date the person if you don't want to be with them.
made_of_fail 0
Some good things have been raised on this page: you're using her for sex like she's the blowup doll you just graduated from, she's probably using you for your income and possibly the place you guys share your life in so she can laze around all day, and neither of you really want a relationship. So just be prepared for this to happen a ton more times, and oh yeah, if she ever gets caught and dumped - like she should be - known you'll get some venomous answer spat out just to cut you deeply. We girls are amazing at that. Oh yeah, and you're pathetic OP. If you want it that bad that you've got to lie to the *one* person you think will let you 'give it to her', go back to that blowup doll. At least you can pretend she cares about you.
deaditegirl 0
YDI for having no self-respect. That's pretty pathetic.
iloveblackshirt6 0
Once a cheater...always a cheater. You did the WRONG thing mister.
boilerup 0
If one person will sleep with you, I'm pretty sure there's a good chance someone else will too.
kidsthesedays123 0
Your life is ******. But you also deserve it. Ironic.