Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, I was cooking, and I took a pot of boiling water to the sink to drain. My pot holder slipped, and the boiling water spilled all over my breasts. Second degree boob burns are bad, but losing half a nipple to potato salad is worse. FML
Today, after spending 2 years growing out my hair, rubbing in oils to make it strong and healthy so I could shave it off and donate to a cancer charity to make wigs, I had a mishap at work with a car's cracked petrol tank. I now have 2nd degree facial burns and like 90% of the hair is burned away. FML
Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML
Today, I was fired from my job because I would "scare" the customers. Two days ago, a coworker spilled fry oil onto the grill, causing flames to singe my eyebrows and the front of my hair off. FML
Today, I burned my tongue. With a flat iron. FML
Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
toxicsauce 10
At least you've got people telling you you're hot. I'm not even close to that... Lmao
sweetest_jenn 18
Everyone knows the best breasts are deep fried.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (73)
Corvo_Attano 12
At least you have some hot ****
ebrainer1 9
It'll pass. Long as you don't give them reason to keep going (like showing that you hate those names), they'll get bored and move on.
angelamegan21 5
Hey guys! Lol all the breast puns are great. But for those of you who are wondering, let me explain. I work in a restaurant, duh! A pizza parlor to be exact. We also sell chicken wings. Anyways, we bake all of our wings in these pans and every time you use one, you're supposed to drain the grease before the next batch goes in. Well, apparently my coworkers didn't do so. That being said, when the wings came out on the other end, (mind you the oven is pretty tall & I'm only 5'3 so I can't see what's in the pans), I shook it slightly and well, I caught all the hot grease out of a 500 degree oven. My hand actually got the worst of it. -- here's a tip. If you ever get burned, put Cisco grease/vegetable shortening on it immediately. It'll stop it from blistering! However I didn't put it on my breast and it blistered & I do have a pretty nasty scar. It doesn't bother me, however :)
kevinwm0 15
Burn, Baby Burn (the Trammps) We Didn't Start the Fire (Billy Joel) Fire Woman (The Cure) Burnin' for You (Blue Oyster Cult) Jump Into the Fire (Nilsson) Burnin' Down the Blouse (The Talking Heads) The Fire Down Below (Seger) Ring of Fire (Johnny Cash) I'm on Fire (Springsteen) Fire and Rain (James Taylor) Fire (Hendrix) Light My Fire (The Doors)