Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML
Today, my kids and I went to have dinner with a coworker. After everyone ate, the kids went to play while I helped clear the dishes. To my horror, instead of individually wrapping the kids leftovers, she scraped all the uneaten food back into the main pots. I wanted to puke on the spot. FML
Today, while sitting with my son, an ice cream cone landed on my head from out of nowhere. I look up to see three children on the balcony above us yelling, "Look! We hit the fat lady!" They ran away laughing. FML
Today, I was babysitting. The kids were thirsty, so I poured them both a cup of the green juice I'd found in a jug in their fridge. They downed it in a flash. It wasn't until later on after I'd poured myself a cup and taken a sip, I realized I had given them margarita mix. The kids are 4 and 2. FML
Today, we were planning to go out to dinner at our favorite restaurant. My kids and I were all dressed and ready to go when my husband waltzes in with fast food. He said he found some coupons for a free family meal. The kids and I got upset and he said, "I didn't have to get this for you guys." FML
Today, I was making dinner for my family while my wife was at work. She walked in the door with McDonald's, even though she knew I was cooking. Then our kids saw and started screaming that they wanted McDonald's too and that it was unfair. I've told her not to pull this shit and she won't listen. FML
Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML
Today, I was babysitting my boss's kids. I brought chocolate for them and the youngest said he had never had chocolate and didn't want any. I told him he should always try new things and should eat it. He did. He's allergic. FML
Today, at work, I gave ice cream to a kid and apple pie to his dad. The kid decided to grab a literal handful of the dad’s pie which was steaming hot. Cue the kid screaming and the dad yelling at me for not telling his kid that the dessert, that WASN'T HIS, was hot and he shouldn’t touch it. FML
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Top comments
sirsquab 12
Those kids are going places.
Rosebudx 32
At least you've taught them to listen closely.
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Comments (150)
Rosebudx 32
At least you've taught them to listen closely.
katieemerr 15
You should be proud of your kids OP!
Pat_Tricksta 13
I think that's kind of cute rather than bratty. I wouldn't face palm and say fml, I would laugh but just dump the ice cream, lol. But like #said, you should have been specific
Helpfulman 17
Maybe OP shouldn't be such a bitch to her kids.
the_real_dvd 21
I agree with 29. They found a suitable loophole. You can't get any more American than that.
katieemerr 15
America.. **** yeah!
9echo 17
Although bad diets are nothing to laugh at, this is still hilarious. Especially your husband's reaction.
sirsquab 12
Those kids are going places.
shady_fox77 13
Not college, but places.
prototypesnipe 4
why not? That was pretty smart.
aerozynx 10
Why not college? They listened closely, and used critical thinking skills. These kids are brilliant!
shady_fox77 13
I should really rethink my comments more often
Dswank620 18
I believe I see potential future lawyers
ElementaryEdGuy 18
One of those places: the doctor's.
grapefruit_hd 7
#58 I would have said one of those places is the dentist still too funny
SpreadTHEKILLER 14
Either way they are geniuses
PoptartsKid 13
They didn't do anything wrong, you should have been more specific!
Sp1k3FML 14
Well played...well played
prototypesnipe 4
Future lawyers.
sunnyray812 42
They did as you said. They deserve the ice cream. :)
PrincessCastiel 27
I like their style, haha My mom wouldn't think it was funny at all or I was being "smart". She would of lectured me because "she knew that I knew what she meant."
junkman6 22
I actually pulled this exact same stunt once. My cheek just got flashback tingles from where my grandma backhanded me.
Sandman366 6
Unfortunately I usually got "something healthy", so I couldn't pull that if I thought of it :(
pixiebubz 26
*would HAVE
MikeRulz 15
Thats my boy
sunshineb81 16
You have smart kids! Love it:)
sky413 26
Those kids are awesome