Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to make cookies, the box said mix by hand so I literally used my hands. Not a fork or anything. My step-mom walked in and laughed at me. FML
Today, I baked my boyfriend his favorite cookies for his birthday. Well, I tried. I followed the recipe, but they somehow turned out diamond hard. When he tried to bite into one, he chipped a tooth. Instead of being mad, he laughed and said, “At least you tried.” Now I’m stuck with inedible cookies and a dentist's bill. FML
Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML
Today, I baked a cake. After feeding it to my entire family, I opened the stove, planning to temporarily store the cake inside. I then noticed a mouse, burnt to a crisp. FML
Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML
Today, I told my crush I’d bring homemade cookies. The batch burned so badly the smoke alarm screamed. In desperation, I bought store cookies, put them on a tray, and claimed them as mine. My crush said, “These taste store-bought.” I panicked and confessed. FML
Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML
Today, to treat the family, I cooked something nice in appreciation for sticking it out over the past few tough months. Unfortunately, I chose this one day to not wear my oven mitts when carrying the food to the table, spilling the food all over the carpeted floor. FML
Today, as I was making biscuits my mom joked, "Don't burn the house down." I told her "Don't worry, I know how to make biscuits." The oven caught fire. FML
Today, after placing it on top of the stove, my hot tray of freshly-baked cookies slipped. I caught it, though. With my bare hand. FML
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Top comments
Yarrachel 16
Wow, what a bitch, you should actually poison her next time.
Guuurlplease 0
shank her ass
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Comments (127)
Yarrachel 16
Wow, what a bitch, you should actually poison her next time.
The_grumpy_bear 0
Wicked step-mother?
SeanFredrick 3
Op, only cook for someone when you actually know how to. YDI And learn to test food before giving it out.
WTF_FML_FTW 0
you were really trying to poison her.
nyrangers1022 6
maybe they didnt taste good, or shes evil...shes prob cheatin on ur dad anyway
Cupcakeshizz 0
make a house out of candy then lure evil cookie hating step mothers in and...well i dunno past that...
azn_pridee69 0
LOL. shinee as in SHINee? anyway fyl
WTF_FML_FTW 0
haha **** puns.
Schizomaniac 24
Hey hey hey whoa whoa whoa..What's with the animosity, Ignorance?
ellielovesyuh 0
awh that's a bit harsh:/
Freeze_fml 17
Keep trying, #30.
redoxy_fml 0
You can pull a Black Christmas and turn her in to cookies :P sick movie
WhyTheFace4 0
if you're going to poison her do it with a poisoned apple...pie.
WhyTheFace4 0
Disney ftw?
Schizomaniac 24
That's not a nice thing to say 44.
Freeze_fml 17
#44 is not up here. To reply to a comment, you click reply ON the comment, not on some random one and hope it works out. It's a complicated process.
Schizomaniac 24
I'm working on it, man. I see I have entered this cruel world of FML. FML: Where your every flaw will be brutally exploited.
mistired 0
your beautiful :)
MyNameIsInvictus 0
damn you got a bitch step mom like Cinderella.
mfmylifesrsly 30
lmao poor schitzomaniac
Schizomaniac 24
I know :( Chances are, this comment will end up in some random spot and Freeze will be all over it.
SeanFredrick 3
where be my cookies op? next time go to walmart buy cookies heat em up in the microwave and tell her they were handmade. But as stupid as you are, you'd prolly screw that up too. Also, freeze, don't criticize people for where their comments show up, cuz it's probably not their fault.
Schizomaniac 24
You're right. And seemingly so, I did :D. I had to use the computer though, because when I press the button on my iPhone it throws the comment in any random spot and people call me stupid D:
Freeze_fml 17
It works fine for me on my iPhone.
SeanFredrick 3
Good for you.
Schizomaniac 24
.
Schizomaniac 24
.
Brittney_E 0
i love your choice of words. it makes me speechless.
heynow00wellthen 0
She sounds like a really nice step mom. =P Time to get some cookbooks and become the next Betty Crocker.
spaceboyftw 0
ydi for trying to poison that poor woman on her bday. next time do it the day after. fyl
Mattsta123 5
you used salt instead of sugar didn't you
mondochill 0
lmfao I love ur pic!!
mells105 0
you should put visine in her drink it'll make her instantly shit her pants no joke XD that's what my cousin did to her stepmom at a barbeque
SenoraC 0
Haha what a hypocrite.
Rayan8D 0
I agree with you.
starberries 0
122, Visine is actually toxic and you can kill people that way. Your cousin is lucky her stepmom didn't have a worse reaction.
KRYPTON1T3 5
she sounds like a bitch. don't try to be nice to her anymore, she's not worth your time.
Spazz420 7
I bet u the cookies were fine and she's just a huge bitch
happyk 0
Maybe when you burned your hand, you left some skin behind in the cookie batter.
Enderfish 0
Just remember times like these when its time to find her a nursing home. Payback's a bitch.
numbers878 8
I would get one and force her to eat it.
Guuurlplease 0
shank her ass
g0downer15 0
I agree with 3 just grab one and shove it down her throat
manicethemage 9
Giggity
FMLephant 2
Curb stomp the ungrateful bitch
fiendishkitty 5
Ugh. I know your pain. My stepmother is the same way. FYL op.
shacoria 0
Maybe you should learn to cook better.
ladyganja92 0
should have just bought her a cake.
hcovballer247 0
Oh wow, that really sucks.... So it is true step mothers are wicked.