Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said, "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got my boyfriend shirtless for the first time and I noticed that he had unusual flat nipples. I asked about it and he said that since men don’t need them and he didn’t like them making small pokies under his T-shirt, he cut them off with a razor when he was 19. Um, WHAT? FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. When he slid his penis in, he felt my NuvaRing, and with the most excitement I've ever seen a man muster, said, "Oh my god! You have your clit pierced! I can't believe I actually get to have sex with a girl who has her clit pierced!" FML
Today, it was my first time with my new boyfriend. I told him what an awesome body he has. He seemed a little embarrassed and stuttered, "Uh, well, uh, you have nice eyes." Goodbye self esteem. FML
Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
Today, after having sex for the first time with my girlfriend, I realised I was in love with her. I noticed she had an eyelash on her breast. After tugging it a few times I realised it was actually a single black nipple hair. She was so embarrassed, she kicked me out and now won't return my calls. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML
Today, a few days after getting my nipples repierced, my man initiated sex. Normally, I love it when he's a little rough on my tits, and I guess he forgot about my not-entirely-healed nips. Let's just say sex ended REAL fast. FML
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Top comments
mona_is_here 10
He better open his mouth only during oral.
hairt 4
tell him his penis was starting to look funny. like a swollen banana
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Comments (162)
TRACKGiRLJONNi 0
peperoni girl
biass 0
Yea, he's an idiot. you don't tell ur girl something like that... maybe it was supposed to be a compliment?
marinus_fml 20
hehe, maybe they are hairy??
biass 0
No pair of nipples are the same, so what is concidered wierd or strange?
5t3ff1k4h 45
18 - considered* weird* God, they teach you how to spell these words in grade school. :/
DonJuan_13 0
hahahaha what an idiot!
skittle68 0
My first bf told me I had weird nipples too. What an idiot. He had probably only ever seen nipples in **** where they are nipping out. Yes, they look different when they are soft. And I have tiny nipples, so don't pepperoni nipple me lol
zinoxity 23
What's with girls being such *****/ ******? ****** up bitches.
djsol27 0
haha yeo !
Jessi2487 0
need new nipples? there's an app for that.
titanic12beth 0
hahahha this made my day..
NatDancer2010 0
sry if reposted...I've known men who are self conscious about being intolerably small down there, good for you :) ......should have been your reply.
biass 0
24- Thank you. I'll keep that in mind. it's good to see someone actually caring about the modern slaughter of the human language. keep up the good work.
VinceCarter 0
39- chicks do have sex quite alot you know.. wait, youd know nothing about that would you..
lubbockgaymale 7
ask him what's wrong with his testicles, see how freaked he gets!
RedPillSucks 33
Steff, in his defense, weird violates the "i before e except after c" rule. A lot of people don't memorize the exceptions (they only mention neighbor and weigh).
miss_sweet_toxin 0
nipples are just ******* nipples get over it
Onlyatmvah 0
79 and don't forget to snap your fingers..
zinoxity 23
77 The girls I hang with have dignity.
nerdsgetmehot 23
#97 Having sex before marriage doesn't make someone any less dignified. Unless, of course, that someone is being promiscuous, but there's a vast difference between sleeping with your boyfriend/girlfriend and sleeping with people you hardly know.
MarryMeFry 10
What's wrong with sex outside of a committed relationship, so long as you're safe?
5t3ff1k4h 45
RPS - I suppose I'll agree with that, so I don't totally give up on society. :P Thatbeingsaid, I didn't have to really 'memorize' the exception, since if they were simply memorized I would have long forgotten. I learned them. :D
4evanucks 0
&49 LMFAOO!!! soooo trueee!!:P
TheVariableX 0
Maybe she shouldn't be such a *****, having sex with her NEW boyfriend counts as slutty in my book.
5t3ff1k4h 45
110- But then one must ask where you draw the line. At what point in the relationship is the boyfriend not considered a 'new boyfriend' anymore? If, for example, it's 6 months, why not have sex? There's nothing wrong with it, assuming you're both ready. Also, some people do have sex very early on (like, within the first month). That doesn't make them a *****. They're capable of making their own decisions. Who are you (or anyone else) to judge them on when exactly they first had sex in their relationship?
TheVariableX 0
Well, at the point where you still call them a " new" boyfriend is too soon. I have mo problem with people that choose to be ***** and give it out like candy, but they had better be prepared to be called that.
zerobahamut03 2
Lol pepperoni nipples! Or rather dinner plates.
Frostxtq 0
#100(nerdsgetmehot) And who are you to say that having casual sex(yes, that's what promiscuous means) is making them less dignified? You're exactly like the person you're arguing with, it's just that your view of what is accepted is a bit broader, but still limited and judgemental. So girls(and boys I assume) should only have sex within a relationship or only with people that they know well ? As long as they're not being stupid about it, why is it wrong exactly? Obviously, I'm not saying that having sex with 200 men by the time you're 18 is an alright thing to do, because exaggeration is never good, weather it's playing video games or having sex. But that's another matter entirely, and that's not what you said.
darlinggg 0
i before e except after c? (:
doubleohseven 0
rofl soo true. what right does a guy have to point out flaws in his girlfriends body? not all girls end up on a pole...
zinoxity 23
100 - Does the word "New" mean anything to you? Be logical, she barely knows the guy." What a *****/ ****.
nycy 0
it's sad how Americans don't realize that ENGLISH is not the HUMAN LANGUAGE
EffinAhole 0
ever seen inverted nipples or long nipples? Its pretty gross
klutzycleo 5
She didn't say how long they've been together, only that he was her new boyfriend. So it'd be the first time she had sex with her 'new' boyfriend as opposed to her old one. Perhaps. Or she it could be the second week they've been bf/gf and they're having sex. But we don't know how long they've been together, so don't be judging and calling OP a ****.
hahaalolz 0
zinoxity, did u ever think that maybe the op thought of the bf as new until she had sex with him? even if she didn't, u have no rights to call her a **** or a *****, u don't know her! I bet any money that you are the fugliest nerd that's has no friends and will never get laid, therefore anyone that does get laid is in ur opinion, a **** or a *****. grow up and get over yourself. prick.
honeyishrnkdakid 2
It's called a "backhanded compliment" i.e. an insult. http: //en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backhanded_compliment In other words, he's a douche.
misspoes 0
some of us don't live in english-speaking countries.
Hughmadd 0
Says the person who spells it "realize"...
5t3ff1k4h 45
155 - I don't know who you're referring to, but FYI, it can be spelled 'realize' or 'realise'...
ethereallight 0
Whom.
kitkatmiaow 21
#117 *whether and your comment makes no sense...
Marcelb 17
And who are you to decide what exaggeration is? You might think something should be classified as exaggeration, but someone else might say the exact opposite. You're exactly like the person you're arguing with, it's just that your view of what is accepted is a bit broader, but still limited and judgemental. ;) nerdsgetmehot actually made a valid point, although indeed, it reflected her opinion. But who doesn't here? I think there are very few people here who react based solely on facts.
Marcelb 17
depending on where you're from (or where the person you're talking to is from) realise is used by brits, realize by americans. in response to 156, somehow it got here.
mona_is_here 10
He better open his mouth only during oral.
jacomarine89 5
Delicious
mona_is_here 10
Gotta love the war between the genders :))
mona_is_here 10
sarcastic peace.. sounds like invisible unicorn or sweet pickle.. but I need to memorize this term, i like it. solemn oath to mention your copyright when using it :)
5t3ff1k4h 45
Mona - You do realize there is such a thing as a sweet pickle, right? It depends on what's put in with the vinegar. 'Bread and butter pickles' are sweet mixed.
z620 0
provide pictures anwe will judge if they are weird or not
Shakabrah 0
I like a girl with big nipples yummy fun to suck on!
coyotenvballrox 5
I love you.
hairt 4
tell him his penis was starting to look funny. like a swollen banana
lajaynay 15
I wasn't aware that bananas could swell?
hairt 4
#31 well they did.. in my dreamland.
NightSkyx 0
would that be a compliment? swollen = thicker?
myknewverr 0
#4 fail.
buuuulshit 0
they cant, shes just an asian **** dnt be so racist
Barn312009 0
I wasnt aware that a girl wouldn't like that lmao
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Ew thank you for the mental image.
Doortje 30
wat een eikel
mona_is_here 10
Speak English, mmkay?:)
Doortje 30
what an ass. op understands, she's dutch too.
mona_is_here 10
Oh, okay then. What an ass indeed.
marinus_fml 20
10-So you have funny nipples too?
ImaCanuck 0
And 9 maybe you should get the **** out?
mona_is_here 10
marinus, she wrote a comment in Dutch, ghats why OP should understand her :)
mona_is_here 10
43, only after you ;)
wowthatshorrible_fml 0
9, number 5 was speaking English. it was comepletely understandable
wowthatshorrible_fml 0
whoa don't know about anyone else, but there are two number 9's according to my fml app
MaCOOLiT 5
oooooh, keyboard commando arent we #43? speak english everyone! this is an english site, stupid!
BadPinkKitty07 0
"awwww, thanks hunny! and I sooo admire that fact that you're ok with having chicken legs and fat lady arms!........ you smell like my aunt betsy...... "
Snarky50 0
Well, the only way to know for sure if they're odd is to let us all see them.
hobojo11 0
no no should show a pic of evry thing so we can tell you a good plastic sergion
Doortje 30
what an ass.
yummycupcakegirl 0
Hehe sexy:) lol
Alesana_Love 0
YDI for having weird nipples!!!