Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML
Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML
Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML
Today, I was talking to my wife about the pie she'd made and she was really leaning on the need to be reassured, so I said, "It was real good Mom." FML
Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML
Today, my mom came over for dinner. She lost her mind, screaming and yelling, because my oven melted the dollar store cooking dish that she insisted on using. Never mind the fact I’m going to have to pay a couple hundred, if not a thousand dollars for a new stove. Oh no, she’s out a whole buck. FML
Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML
Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she was having. Since I love baking, I said yes. When I went to deliver the pies, I found out they were for a family dinner I wasn't invited to. FML
Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML
Today, at a family party, my uncles were complimenting my mom on her pies. I cooked them. She took all the credit. FML
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Top comments
Amberrae23 2
Guess her diet didnt last long.
DocBastard 40
I don't mean to sound pieous, but I'm just pudding this in perspective for you. Don't s-cream at her or act like a tart or make a snappy retorte. Give her her just desserts and simply tell her no. She can't have her cake and eat it too!
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Comments (89)
heartslb 8
What a bitch
Calyx_fml 22
Your mom is a retard.
AJRENO 0
She just wants to blame somebody else for being a dumbass.
bizarre_ftw 22
Bring her a bag of celery, say it's to help her on her diet
bubo_fml 11
"Fix me a Turkey Pot Pie, Bitch!" (Love, Eric Cartman)
coolstorybro6 6
Ur mom makes me laugh
cream_bunny 0
She probably ate the first pie and lied about burning to get another.
strawberryspacejam 11
clever username
Suba_fml 8
Screw you mother.
TheFamilyElf 17
Mother knows best, OP. Get her 'another damn pie,' and fast, before she changes her mind again.