Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was mowing my lawn when I lost control along our lawn borders and ran over one of my neighbor’s many garden gnomes. It exploded into a pile of ceramic. I soon discovered it was a limited edition collector's item when the neighbor came out just in time to see me turning her prized lawn decoration into shards. FML
Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went to investigate, only to find a man peeing on our garden gnome. FML
Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
Today, my wife tried to prove that I don’t pay attention to anything related to the house by putting a decorative gnome on the table. When I mentioned it, she pointed out that she’d put over 25 gnomes all over the house for the past couple of weeks. I just noticed them today. FML
Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML
Today, I broke my toe on a decorative statue I bought for our front yard. My husband warned me it took up too much space and was a hazard, and now I get to hear him say, "I told you so." FML
Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML
Today, I was practicing my golf swing on my front lawn. I took a swing and on the backstroke the golf club slipped out of my hands. Next thing I know, it hits a neighbor's window, shatters it, and goes right into their living room. FML
Today, my son broke a window at school playing football. Not only did he break one, he broke the other window next to it. His excuse? He tried making it look like a bird flew in one way and flew out the other. I have to pay $800 to fix it. FML
Today, four days after moving into my new house, I woke up to a guy yelling, "Fuck you, Claire" followed by a brick smashing through my living room window. Now I know why Claire was so eager to finalize the sale. FML
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Top comments
lexiieeex3 32
I'm sorry, but who buys a garden gnome to "spice up their lawn"
Jason89 16
i bet that was SMASHING
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Comments (89)
Bgreene_5 12
Through it through their windows and then make shitty puns and see how they like it
momac86 17
They're probably the one that did it
BtwYoureAdopted 21
I'm sure there was gnome pun intended
dan34321 6
that's awful, you'd think he'd of gnome better
abNormal62 23
A garden gnome was thrown through your window? Were there any witnesses to this? Did anyone register its Travel (vel) ocity?
cheshireau 26
I wonder if he did it for ***** and Giggles?
PokeyPorcupine 18
I want to meet your neighbor.
writerchic85 26
What is it with people stealing and smashing garden gnomes? Honestly i think those fake deer are uglier.
ILikeKoalas 24
I really don't want to know your idea of spicing up your sex life.
Girlie7 11
Why don't you put the blame on him?