Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML
Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, I got lunch with a girl I really like. On the way, for some idiotic reason I decided it would be a good idea to show off by jumping up to high-five the red hand on a traffic sign. I ended up slipping and slamming full-force into the pole. I now have a bruise on my face. FML
Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML
Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML
Today, at work, I tried to sneakily open a bag of chips I had hidden in my desk drawer. The bag decided to explode as soon as I tore it open, sending chips flying everywhere. My boss chose that exact moment to walk by and saw me on the floor, frantically picking up chips. FML
Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
LowLives 9
owned no but really that was mean of her
rafty4life 3
Not to bad, at least you didn't get shut down right away... or punch her in the face.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (95)
Drecodash 0
Lets make this a positive...atleast you didn't knock yourself out in front of her
atomicJ 0
maybe she liked guacamole..you scared her with the chipotle. :0
Kelita 0
lmao!!!
blarghityblarghh 0
Just a question, but why bother commenting if all you're going to put is "lmao!!!"?
SassiestLemon 2
Why troll if it doesn't gain you any respect?
KI3S 0
chipotle is the best food ever made.
gabrielleangeliq 0
This FML should end with the "...I ate chipotle." Your anus hates you.
fairypower 4
I love chipolte but man I get horrible ***** like 8 hours after I think the organic chicken messes with me
wolve86 0
FALCON PUNCH much?
krazy_glu3 0
Look at it this way.... she'll never forget you now. You probably just made her day too. haha.
JocelynKaulitz 28
It's all good, you still got Chipotle ;)
mattitucklove01 0
you should have figure it out when she left you sitting there you dumb idiot! Probably thought you were a stupid freak !