Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He and I were in the middle of sharing a romantic shower following something of a dry spell when he bent over, spread his cheeks apart and asked, in earnest, "is there a worm sticking out of my ass?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, it's been about year since I had worms. They're easy to treat but I told no one because I was so embarrassed. Was my house unclean? Was my food undercooked? Cue months of paranoia. Today my parents told me that their cat had worms last year. The same cat they asked me to cat-sit for two weeks. No one told me. FML
Today, my husband drunkenly confessed that he has a shit fetish and wants to watch me take a dump in the bathtub while he jerks off. Guess him saying he "didn't like kinky things" was a lie, then. FML
Today, after my husband got ready for work, he touched my arm and slowly bent down. I assumed he was going to say he loved me and to have a good day. As I quickly thought of a loving response and prepared to give him a kiss, he whispered in my ear, "Did you put a dead mouse in the toilet?" Thanks a lot, cat. FML
Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
Today, I discovered that my husband doesn't wash his hands after using the toilet. Too bad I got to found out after three years of marriage, and while his finger was in my mouth. FML
Today, my husband and I mutually discovered that we are both infected with pubic lice. How? I found his and he found mine while we were in the middle of 69-ing each other. So, so gross. FML
Today, after being convinced that my cat had worms due to eating so much food and still looking really skinny, I found out that my neighbor secretly lets his dog in through my pet door while I'm at work. FML
Today, my boyfriend learned about my filthy fetishes in the worst way possible. He found me naked in the bathroom, licking the dirty toilet seat. I couldn't even make an excuse. FML
Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML
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Top comments
FYLDeep 26
Ask him to bend over so you can get a better look, then shove a ***** deep inside. Or better yet, get out the strap-on like the FML a few days back.
Mirorbo 27
Ehhhhh....disturbing on a very high level....
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Comments (132)
Mirorbo 27
Ehhhhh....disturbing on a very high level....
BahahahLOL 0
IMAGES!
andruha1123 5
pictures or it didn't hap..... eh, never mind
Mirorbo 27
For once, we'll assume it happened without the pics...
BahahahLOL 0
I'm scarred for life. This is worse than that time I found Sesame Street ****.
SuperRaad 0
sesame street ****.. its some scary shit >_<!
andruha1123 5
cookie?
otheriBlair 0
****** up
Currentlyonfire 4
I'd say either put on the strap on and show him what a real man would do. or put on a pair of latex gloves for a good ol prostate exam.
parii 0
oh wow. that's just wrong.
mona_is_here 10
That's just.. so messed up and yet so funny
KingDingALing 9
The cookie monster was probably a pussy monster in Sesame Street **** Cookie Monster: PUSSY PUSSY PUSSY!!
rzbt21 0
SURPRISE BUTTSECKS
graceguerrero 6
better safe than sorry huh =)
walkmywaynot 0
first!!!!
xSummerRosaleex 1
I had an awful mental image of your man's ass crack..
LightningLadyy 0
No one...? Alright, I'll do it... GOATSE!!!!!!!
Invierno 10
@66: I was thinking the same thing! Poor kitty and poor OP. lol I have a very disturbing imagination. *shudder*
Eyou 0
LOL what what in the butt :)
Chickenfoot117 6
That's no worm.....
ParadeOfShadows 0
The images running in my head right now are nightmare worthy
DarkHelmet 10
LMFAO!!!!
TittiesOrGTFO 0
Dear Thunder Lady, **** OR GTFO
chillpill 0
u r gorgeous
xXLenaXx 0
Ohhhhhhhh, this explains Goatse.
thatonewhitegirl 0
100- I pick gtfo
bloodierframe30 16
Lol
jrgr 6
lmao!! omg how funny
CuBsFaNN4LyFe 0
hey cutie
QWERTYCommander 5
I have nothing to say but: O_O
FFML_314 12
HEY! That's a legitimate question/concern! Worms are very serious. If you love the man, check his ass for worms! Sheesh, woman!
sebastianduarte1 0
**** yeah!
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
And shave his ass to prevent The Chafe while you're at it. >.<
cdbank3 0
hahahahahahah
supaisu 0
no sex tonight!
molil_4810 0
correction*no ANAl! sex tonight !!!*
molil_4810 0
correction* no ANAL sex tonight!!* (then again it might get the worms out for you) I'm gross sorry!!
molil_4810 0
sorry double post
XArmyof1x 6
triple actually buddy
FYLDeep 26
Ask him to bend over so you can get a better look, then shove a ***** deep inside. Or better yet, get out the strap-on like the FML a few days back.
FFML_314 12
That's nothing. My fantasies will blow your mind!
FFML_314 12
Oh, well let me reiterate. "r mind."
0darkfire0 0
I've heard of these 'mind jobs' some serious spiritually kinky shit there. :P
honeycream 0
umm yeah thats kind of sick.
nickerbockers3 0
Ahh I saw a documentary about tapeworms on tv when I was a kid, the man was re-telling the story of how he went to the bathroom and the worm popped it's head out his rear end. Needless to say I was scared to poo for about a year, so I don't blame your husband!
ZleveL 0
oh god I'm taking a poo right now!
stuffthename 0
lol:D
starile 20
I wonder how many people go on FML on their cell phones while in the bathroom haha.
machiko_fml 0
Haha I saw something similiar to that on Monsters Inside Me... oh and sometimes I bring my iPod in the bathroom to read FML..
machiko_fml 0
I saw something like that on Monsters Inside Me... sorry if this is double post
VeronicaKruize 0
Yes, but that means he had sex with the cat.
ThatLooksSticky 16
I feel very uncomfortable right now.
chasin_butterfli 0
I second that emotion.
extradorkyloser 4
you guys have worms in your butts too?
Prodigy7 4
Probably wanted you to stick your finger in his ass.