Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to TGI Friday's with my crush. At the end of our meal, the waitress gave us mints with the bill. He said something that made me laugh, and I began choking on my mint. After a few coughs, I finally managed to get it out. It hit him in the forehead and landed in his drink. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML
Today, I was on a date when a woman across the restaurant started choking on food, so I and a few others rushed to help her. We got her to cough up the food but as I looked back to my date, she was stealing food from the plates of other people who'd left their tables to help. FML
Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML
Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML
Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
Today, the guy I liked came over for dinner with some friends. One of them asked him if we were dating, he became so distraught he started to choke on the food I had made, in his haste to tell them that in no uncertain terms, were we together. FML
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Top comments
Ambrily 27
Oh look, that person is about to die! How hilarious! OP, unless you're all very young kids, maybe you should consider yourself lucky you survived and now know that that guy is an idiot.
Chazzster 32
You should be glad you didn’t die. Be thankful someone there was willing and able to help you. That really is the bigger picture, isn’t it? And now you know the person your were crushing on is a jerk. So hopefully you can move your attention elsewhere. By the way, my wife and I were eating at a deli once and she began choking. I jumped up and got her to stand up so I could perform the Heimlich on her. It worked! I was thankful for all those posters I had seen and the first aid course I had once taken. These things happen…
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Comments (4)
Chazzster 32
You should be glad you didn’t die. Be thankful someone there was willing and able to help you. That really is the bigger picture, isn’t it? And now you know the person your were crushing on is a jerk. So hopefully you can move your attention elsewhere. By the way, my wife and I were eating at a deli once and she began choking. I jumped up and got her to stand up so I could perform the Heimlich on her. It worked! I was thankful for all those posters I had seen and the first aid course I had once taken. These things happen…
Ambrily 27
Oh look, that person is about to die! How hilarious! OP, unless you're all very young kids, maybe you should consider yourself lucky you survived and now know that that guy is an idiot.
bleachedraven 14
Fell off their chairs? 🙄 Strange humor.