Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML
Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, I got lunch with a girl I really like. On the way, for some idiotic reason I decided it would be a good idea to show off by jumping up to high-five the red hand on a traffic sign. I ended up slipping and slamming full-force into the pole. I now have a bruise on my face. FML
Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML
Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML
Today, at work, I tried to sneakily open a bag of chips I had hidden in my desk drawer. The bag decided to explode as soon as I tore it open, sending chips flying everywhere. My boss chose that exact moment to walk by and saw me on the floor, frantically picking up chips. FML
Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML
Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML
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Top comments
LowLives 9
owned no but really that was mean of her
rafty4life 3
Not to bad, at least you didn't get shut down right away... or punch her in the face.
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Comments (95)
InnocentLies 0
... What??? How do you hit yourself while trying to open a bag of chips? I can't picture what position you must have been in. Eh FYL. :p
redbluegreen 41
One thing about humans is they're always finding new, ingenious ways to injure themselves. The OP's hands were probably to the side of their face and when they pulled too forcefully on the bag, the back of their fist collided with their chin and cheek.
InnocentLies 0
Heh I guess thats possible it would still be hard to punch yourself like that. Still we will never know though since the op probably won't say...
addie19 6
I don't understand either--bags of chips from chipotle come in a brown paper sack--not a sealed bag!
sernaa45 3
haha that's Wat I was wondering too??
NJXD 0
noooo don't eat chipotle it gives you bloody underwear
abbyjordan 0
Awwh poor you :( i feel for ya. I walked n2/knocked over a huge bin of movies at WM lookin a some hot guy lol
WhiteZoneRedZone 6
Try not to beat yourself up over it.
ImaginaryFoe 1
How? You wouldn't laugh if some idiot punched himself while opening a packet of crisps? Maybe she left because she was done eating or because OP was a jerk.
kayPandastyle 15
Lmao I deff woulda lold in your face but then id assure you it was ok n carry on eating u gotta admit tht shiz is funny!!
carter2000 0
CHIPOTLE FTW!!!!!
swift07 4
lmfao I did that a few days ago but trying to open a chap stick -_- how thar happened no idea lmfao
Krystal1029 0
Hahaha! Thats actually quite cute.
blarghityblarghh 0
You spell misogynist wrong.