Today, I asked my husband to come upstairs to our bedroom, thinking I could get some "special time." It ended up with us arguing about his mother, and him falling asleep cuddling my pillow while sucking his thumb. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it took me two hours to put all the kids to bed, so all I wanted to do was watch TV but my husband, who'd spent all that time asleep on the sofa, started pestering me for sex like he thought he deserved it after I'd asked him for help 3 times before just doing all the work myself. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML
Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML
Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
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Top comments
lolmigosh 15
well that is special in its own way..
SakataGintoki 9
Doesn't surprise me he was arguing about his mother considering he still acts like a child.
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Comments (105)
lolmigosh 15
well that is special in its own way..
jacsoccerdude3 10
How old is he...15?
iNewKid 20
^ mentally he is, I guess.
shugacube 13
His reaction seems ridiculous to me
hawright 13
Yes, he is 15, and she is 14 and pregnant.
HappyMonday 14
Threadjackers be jackin'
gc327072 31
38- Happy Friday! *thumbs you down*
BellaBelle_fml 23
No my dear, you are the ignorant one.
HappyMonday 14
#51, enjoying yourself, aren't you?
jacsoccerdude3 10
34- Thank you I think you are the only one who caught that.
hawright 13
69- You are welcome, I didn't want to leave you hanging.
weasel123 9
Well, that escalated quickly.
mnfer 7
Well, that's not the most overused line on the Internet.
gc327072 31
Boy* that escalated quickly. And yes, overused meme phrases don't work here.
brittanyrmh_ 12
52 - It's, "Well."
walmartpaysme 15
52 & 74, does it really matter?
MormonPornstar 7
75 - If it doesn't, why ask? Dipshit
citymayer 7
For 74 it matters bc 52 needs to have his wrong correction corrected bc he's obnoxious.
SneakherHead 5
For 100 your correcting the wrong person you mean 75
ThePrestige 12
You should tie him up and do what you please next time ;)
SqueakyChipmunk 22
No, the safe word is Specific. If he says "pacific" instead, whip him.
Rosie_Posie43 12
Or maybe just duct tape his mouth
wlddog 14
You guys sound like a blast
SakataGintoki 9
Doesn't surprise me he was arguing about his mother considering he still acts like a child.
onlychildFTW 34
It sounds like he's 2 or 3. Did you check his diaper? It could be why he is grumpy. Or maybe he needs his pacifier. You married a big baby OP.
PowerRussia 2
I think you married a child :P
enormouselephant 15
Sounds like he needs to talk about his mommy issues way more often to get them sorted out...maybe with a professional though.
mbusey 20
If you wanted special time why would you continue to talk about his mother...?
MsConfusedd 27
Maybe next time you should avoid that subject...
SakataGintoki 9
*touch....*
pokefan813 16
10 pounds of bacon!? :D *reads the rest* Oh you ******! ;(
SakataGintoki 9
:(
supportcommand 17
It's steal. Steel is metal.
DeadxManxWalking 27
Yes you used the right word of "steal" (to take something that isn't yours)
Unbweavable 17
Well, I guess it's time to get friendly with the neighbors
chellyX92 8
Because cheating fixes everything?
WWEIsLove 4
I think relationship therapy would be more appropriate for them.
fylx100 19
I thought for a second there that 15 and 90 were the same person because of their profile picture and arguing with themself. Lol if they would have been the same person, I would have been really confused and laughed really hard.
WWEIsLove 4
94, I thought the same thing for a sec.