Today, I asked my husband to come upstairs to our bedroom, thinking I could get some "special time." It ended up with us arguing about his mother, and him falling asleep cuddling my pillow while sucking his thumb. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it took me two hours to put all the kids to bed, so all I wanted to do was watch TV but my husband, who'd spent all that time asleep on the sofa, started pestering me for sex like he thought he deserved it after I'd asked him for help 3 times before just doing all the work myself. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML
Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML
Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
lolmigosh 15
well that is special in its own way..
SakataGintoki 9
Doesn't surprise me he was arguing about his mother considering he still acts like a child.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (105)
loserman67 36
It should have ended with him cuddling the back of your head as you sucked his... well, you know.... Next time, don't waste words, get right to the action. Jeeze, don't we ever learn? How many times in the movies does the bad guy get away because the good guy has to say something before pulling the trigger! Get him up there and GET BUSY WITH GETTIN' BUSY... Save the talk for after.
leadawg75 12
What did you do to that poor man?!
etchsanity1 11
Guessing the sexual issues he has with his mother make special time a bit awkward for him
BerryPrincess 11
Like a baby that doesn't understand his mother..
lmaouloser 5
Awe that's cute! He cuddled your pillow! Hahahaha
dohdohdoh 13
Up his bum, no babies!
HappyBitch 1
Oh wow. Time for him to sleep on the couch?
Aedus 6
It didn't work because you call sex "special time."
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Make him wear diapers. You act like a baby, you get treated like a baby. Billy Madison his ass!
sillyyanks 24
My friends girlfriends calls sex "special time" and we tease her relentlessly! Once you attach a juvenile, prissy name to something like sex, you're only going to push your man away from you!
ElhonnaDS 10
Once you have a juvenile, prissy reaction to someone using a euphemism, you're only going to push normal, polite people away from you.