Today, I asked my husband to come upstairs to our bedroom, thinking I could get some "special time." It ended up with us arguing about his mother, and him falling asleep cuddling my pillow while sucking his thumb. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it took me two hours to put all the kids to bed, so all I wanted to do was watch TV but my husband, who'd spent all that time asleep on the sofa, started pestering me for sex like he thought he deserved it after I'd asked him for help 3 times before just doing all the work myself. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML
Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML
Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
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Top comments
lolmigosh 15
well that is special in its own way..
SakataGintoki 9
Doesn't surprise me he was arguing about his mother considering he still acts like a child.
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Comments (105)
intelliDude 7
I shall be your on-call grammar Nazi. You used the correct "steal" word, but you should have used "badly" instead of "bad" because you're describing the verb "ends", not a noun.
andrew6p 19
Op, u should've got some Tabasco and put some on his thumb.
mikeofthunder 13
Quick OP!! Deep mother issues is the leading background factor in failed relationships! Get that thumb-sucker to the therapist.
severe_fml 3
Pet his head and purr in his ear.
mikeofthunder 13
Cos everyone likes a pussy ;)
asleepingbear 8
Pillows are comfy
XxGamer24xX 6
I'm pretty sure he's a mamma's boy.
illmatic2 16
Nothing wrong with being a momma's boy. I know I am one and I'm not afraid to admit it.
SpicyDuck 22
Does she sing you Soft Kitty when you're sick?
xxmollyxx 25
It's not the sexiest quality in a man though, 37, to be honest.
DocBastard 40
Wait, is this 6-year old Annie from next door posting this? I keep telling you, that "wedding" you had with Billy isn't real! Now go to your room, young lady! No TV for a week for teasing him about his thumb sucking.
loserman67 36
No TV for a week! Man, you're tough Doc. But look on the bright side, at least they were just playing house, not doctor....
maosquare 18
Well, I would give them a cane if they were playing House.
DjeePee 25
Yeah, things like that happen. I was in exact the same situation last week, except we were arguing about how disrespectful it was that I farted on his drum, and him leaving the house for two hours. Relationships can be jolly good fun, can't they?
patrickalamo 48
YDI, fighting with someone about their mom is generally a pretty stupid idea. You need to learn verbal judo
Metallica36176 16
WHY did you marry an immature mommas boy? What kind of "man" does that?!