Today, I asked my husband to come upstairs to our bedroom, thinking I could get some "special time." It ended up with us arguing about his mother, and him falling asleep cuddling my pillow while sucking his thumb. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it took me two hours to put all the kids to bed, so all I wanted to do was watch TV but my husband, who'd spent all that time asleep on the sofa, started pestering me for sex like he thought he deserved it after I'd asked him for help 3 times before just doing all the work myself. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML
Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML
Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
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Top comments
lolmigosh 15
well that is special in its own way..
SakataGintoki 9
Doesn't surprise me he was arguing about his mother considering he still acts like a child.
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Comments (105)
ajnorma 16
Continued thumb sucking can be from a traumatic childhood experience, all those calling him a "child" there are a lot of thumb suckers out there. I am one, my father passed away and I haven't been able to stop YET! I will. So he might have had something awful happen keep that in mind.
dellam 3
There are other things u can suck on apart from thumbs to relax you.... Like sausages, cucumbers, salami. Etc etc
GypsyRover 0
Idk why,29 but I feel sympathetic toward you. I hope when you find thing rough and get upset your boyfriend holds you close and makes you feel like you are not alone.
GypsyRover 0
I hope you do the same for him also.
ajnorma 16
46 it's not about relaxing for me it's a comfort, if I'm nervous or worried I tend to suck my thumb. I have tried substitutes like mints and lolly pops nothing's worked yet! 63 thank you for your comment, I'm lucky to have a great support network around me :)
Rodders_SOTC 1
I imagine you had hoped he would be sucking something else. Did someone say clipboard?
LONERANGER44 11
You married a child.
Steve95401 49
Aww, did you give him his blankie and binkie too?
Enslaved 38
Mommy issues?
greeneyebeauty9 28
that's definitely not something I would expect dlr special time.
eveadamsnyc 2
That made me feel weird. Total deal breaker
Old_Iron_Sides 6
You shoukd've woken him up by removing his thumb and inserting your nipple...
SWhimsynBubbaS 14
Getting off topic about mother... And getting on topic about your special time with your OLDER husband...
The_Thinker 18
Tut tut, OP. You know Stewie doesn't like having Lois brought up in any conversation, much less an argument. It's what you endure with marrying a one-year-old diabolical British genius. But at least someone ended up sucking something, amirite?