Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Apparently “A threesome” is not the appropriate answer. FML
Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my upcoming birthday. Mindful of our budget, I said I just wanted to relax at home all day and then get a nice dinner with her. She blew up and yelled that I'm "using my birthday to be a lazy slug." FML
Today, it's was my birthday. My wife did not get me anything or do anything for me. Instead, she said, "I'll knock an extra day off your sex ban." Sadly, this is probably the nicest thing she's done for my birthday in several years. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
Today, I asked my husband what he wanted for his birthday, hinting that he could have anything sexual, and he asked me to… take the kids and visit my mother over the weekend, so he could have 48 hours totally alone, naked, drinking beer, and playing his Xbox. FML
Today, I found a receipt from a lingerie store for some nice garments. When I asked my wife about it, she stammered and said it was a birthday surprise, then got mad at me for ruining it. My birthday isn't for almost ten months and she hasn't been sexual with me for years, much less spontaneous. Nice try. FML
Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML
Today, my wife flat out refuses to have sex with me, ever. Most days it's "What have you done to earn sex?" then when I point out all I do (pay bills, work hard, take care of her, the kids and the house) it's, "Oh, so that means I owe you sex?" I even got that excuse on my birthday. FML
Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML
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Top comments
TCRII 30
Tell her that it is perfectly realistic and that you would prefer to have it with her.
mskeptik 12
"Grow up" means she has no respect for you. And it doesn't seem like she has any desire either. You may want to consider asking for divorce for your birthday.
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Comments (18)
TxKitten 8
Its so sad that so many women don't make sure their men are sexually satisfied. I'm truly sorry for you.
icalledhisname 12
It is both people in a relationship’s job to make sure they are in a relationship with someone who matches up with their sexual needs. No one is obligated to please someone else if they have no interest in it. It is not their responsibility. It sucks for the OP that they are in this relationship where their needs aren’t met and their partner is seemingly not willing to be sensitive of it. Maybe they used to be more compatible, we don’t know.
TxKitten 8
I disagree. It's my obligation to make sure my husband's needs are met, and it's his oigation to make sure mine are met. That's what makes a good relationship. women who say (and yes I've heard this more than once) "I'm married, I shouldn't have to have sex anymore," can't then bitch that their husband has an affair. Because she drove him to it. Sex us a biological need for a man, and for some women. Too often women "put out" while dating to keep a man, then when they get married adopt the "I dont have to anymore" attitude. Then the dude is left going, "Wtf happened to our sex life."
TCRII 30
Tell her that it is perfectly realistic and that you would prefer to have it with her.
RichardPencil 32
Ask her for a "hall pass." As you describe your marriage, you could more realistically ask for an alien abduction with anal probing.
Susan Yee 9
Try to satisfy her first, that might change her mind.
Yummi_913 18
Ever heard of the term rape? It's not gonna work out the way you think it is buddy.
Grizz8831 14
this was, while poorly explained for others, somewhat accurate. in order for OP to please his wife in bed,she would have to agree to such things. otherwise it could be considered rape,or something else (not sure if it is a different term when married). But without consent from the wife, it would be essential rape, and thus not work out so well. but it may be a good idea to talk it over with her and see where things stand.
Gubbon 17
How can he satisfy her if they don't even have sex to begin with?
mskeptik 12
"Grow up" means she has no respect for you. And it doesn't seem like she has any desire either. You may want to consider asking for divorce for your birthday.
juggalo2 22
Maybe ask for marriage counseling?
Yummi_913 18
Grow up? So sex is for kids then ey? WTF...
voodoo66 5
love your wife and **** the girlfriend, thats the secret to a lasting marriage
bloopaloop 27
Whack it onto her face and if she says she doesn’t like it tell her to grow up and ask for something more realistic
power_in_the_now 19
Sex isn’t a gift.. which might be why she said grow up... sex should be an active part of a marriage that happens on it own because those two people want to feel a connection. If that is lost then maybe fix the connection... is there something that has happened to make her lose respect for you? Is she super exhausted taking care of the house, children and working a lot? I know women tend to get a bad rep for not wanting to please their husbands but sometimes it deeper than that... it could be something else there which she isn’t getting fulfilled so not interested in being connected to you in that way anymore
TinScarecrow 15
Sex can be a gift. The willingness to share yourself and achieve connection through sharing yourself can be a gift. Asking for that connection with your partner is not childish