Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after arriving, I was told that there will be mandatory drug tests for everybody at my work. Yesterday, I did joints at a friend's party, as it was her birthday. I'm fucked. FML
Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML
Today, I'm a proud non drug user, but I trusted an oat cookie at my brother's birthday, which was loaded with pot. Tomorrow is our mandatory drug screening at work, my job is government based, and I worked my ass off to get it. Anyone who tests positive or misses the test is sacked immediately. FML
Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I know that I was in the wrong and will take responsibility for that. When the cop handed me my ticket, he asked me if I was smoking crack. I denied it because I don't do drugs. He asked me what that foul odor was. I was passing gas. FML
Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied, "No", he said, "You mean you always look like that?" FML
Today, I got fired for failing a drug test for weed. My boss is the one who sells me weed. FML
Today, I went for a job interview. I was asked if I wanted a drink. I have no idea why, but I replied "a bottle of milk please." FML
Today, I got pulled over for a broken taillight. When I rolled down the window, the cop asked me if I was smoking crack. When I told him I didn't do drugs, he didn't believe me since he could detect a foul odor coming from my car. I'd just passed gas big time. FML
Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML
Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML
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Top comments
Georgia0p 17
Who drinks marijuana..
fuckedPriceless 17
Hard to understand accent, perhaps? I'm sorry OP, but at least it sounds like you passed and/or don't actually smoke.
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Comments (55)
ostfaiz 18
Op should b thankful he did'nt asked for a veg soup or something..lol
DeathBunny8 9
Liquid Marijuana is actually a pretty good mixed drink..
Vegetarian27 24
I kind I fell bad for you, but it's a definite YDI. You're at work! You don't make jokes about illegal substances at work, especially not in the transport industry!
foxy_sunshine 8
Well..... did you pass?? Don't really get how it's an FML though. They did their job
YellowKettleBell 31
will this work the other way around...'no officer, i asked the man for a mineral water, not marijuana'
kristen5286 12
I hate when you can't understand them and ask them to repeat themselves and they respond even quieter. Dude! These 300s are loud as shit! Oh! Or when folks are afraid to order alcohol. They get all whispery and embarrassed. order your Jack and coke proudly.
epicmaterial777 5
Who else tried saying "mineral water" in way that would make it sound like "marijuana."