Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after arriving, I was told that there will be mandatory drug tests for everybody at my work. Yesterday, I did joints at a friend's party, as it was her birthday. I'm fucked. FML
Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML
Today, I'm a proud non drug user, but I trusted an oat cookie at my brother's birthday, which was loaded with pot. Tomorrow is our mandatory drug screening at work, my job is government based, and I worked my ass off to get it. Anyone who tests positive or misses the test is sacked immediately. FML
Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I know that I was in the wrong and will take responsibility for that. When the cop handed me my ticket, he asked me if I was smoking crack. I denied it because I don't do drugs. He asked me what that foul odor was. I was passing gas. FML
Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied, "No", he said, "You mean you always look like that?" FML
Today, I got fired for failing a drug test for weed. My boss is the one who sells me weed. FML
Today, I went for a job interview. I was asked if I wanted a drink. I have no idea why, but I replied "a bottle of milk please." FML
Today, I got pulled over for a broken taillight. When I rolled down the window, the cop asked me if I was smoking crack. When I told him I didn't do drugs, he didn't believe me since he could detect a foul odor coming from my car. I'd just passed gas big time. FML
Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML
Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML
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Top comments
Georgia0p 17
Who drinks marijuana..
fuckedPriceless 17
Hard to understand accent, perhaps? I'm sorry OP, but at least it sounds like you passed and/or don't actually smoke.
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Comments (55)
rosso700 14
But were you high?
JayVicious 20
I'm sure they dont fly low
mchmelev1993 10
Serious fail. What was the results hmmm
jerryj 27
Which "pot jokes" did you use? If anyone knows any, feel free to share them here!
RollingCakes 21
What do you get when you eat big circular pots? -Death from asphyxiation.
buckysam 7
Well, it's not that bad. You've got nothing to hide. Or do you?
AirBusDriver 23
How was that reasonable cause? Sorry OP for your lead FA's over zealous reaction.
ksks1234 33
That would not be the head flight attendant, but FAA regulations. They are very adamant about the flight crews being clean and sober. I am not sure about flight attendants, but pilots have to wait at least 8 hours from their last drink.
ksks1234 33
I ran out of time to edit. Never mind 27, it looks like you already know this junk. Now I feel sheepish.
AirBusDriver 23
No worries, as aircrew I've lived this throughout my carrier. The DOT and FAA rules address reasonable cause and in thus case the Lead Flight Attendant would have made the call after conferring with another Management person or the Captan. Sounds like there is more to the OP's story than she shared.
Helvanica 22
How do you make 'marijuana' out of mineral water? Understandable drug test. How did it turn out?
vuilgeboosted 2
how do you mispronounce mineral water?
Saikon1357 25
Heavy accent I presume? Either way that was unprofessional of op. Ydi
superspooky 13
I feel like you shouldn't be making any drug related jokes at your job. Seems unethical. Sorry OP, but I vote YDI.
CaliginusCatnip 17
I agree. It's highly unprofessional. Even if he had asked for it, be a mature adult.
kristen5286 12
Yeah, maybe her employer is cool with joking around. She'll pass that drug test, no worries.
havahnegila 22
Even if you think you hear a drug, say "I'm sorry?" or "come again!" And if you don't feel like verifying, just say, "it's unavailable!" Don't make POT jokes at work !