Today, I asked a guy out. He told me no. Well, his exact words were, "I would never go out with a whale, sorry." Then he went on to make whale noises. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at my senior dance dancing with this guy I really like. He was telling me how he likes a strong woman who's not afraid to make the first move. Empowered by what he said, I asked him out. He said no because he thinks girls shouldn't ask guys out. FML
Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML
Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML
Today, I asked the guy I like if he wanted to go to lunch tomorrow at a local restaurant. He replied that he doesn't like their food. I think that's a no. FML
Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML
Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML
Today, I saw the guy I have a crush on kissing a blonde chick. He'd turned me down because he “wasn’t into blondes”. I’m a blonde myself. When I confronted him about it, he told me, “Oh, I should have been more specific. I’m not into blondes who have a face like Sid the Sloth and a body like Shamu.” FML
Today, I was texting the guy I like. I asked him why our friend didn't want to come to the movies with us. He replied, "She didn't want to be the third wheel, but it's not like I'm going to put the moves on you. I'm out of your league, and you're socially awkward anyway." That's just what I wanted. FML
Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML
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Top comments
olpally 33
Slap him for being rude. Geeze, that's cold.
okokalright 15
You will find someone eventually. Unfortunately, people can be ******* assholes that are probably insecure themselves.
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Comments (181)
nevereyes 31
I guess you learned the truth hurts......
Tripartita 45
The truth rarely involves whale noises.
Shmatterhorn 38
A kick to the groin would have hurt worse, #25. Just saying.
ayylmaoooo 3
kicking him in the balls for that is what makes a shitty person
MagnusDeus 24
I can't possibly believe this is real, because I just cannot believe anyone would be that ******* awful.
Shmatterhorn 38
Welcome to the shallow-end of the human gene pool, #28. There are horrible people like this asshat out there, usually fueled by alcohol.
sarcasmwins 24
What a punk ass bitch, a swift kick to the groin would've turned those whale noises into regret followed by high pitched screams and tears.
Badkarma4u 17
Where do you people come from where you can assault someone with impunity. You kick a grown man in the groin, and something bad is going to happen to you. It's not like americas funniest videos. You can end up getting yourself hurt or hopefully just arrested.
sarcasmwins 24
Hah not if you kick hard enough. Lighten up mate, it's just my opinion, you don't have to like it.
Managodess 14
I'm so sorry OP but please don't let that idiot's rudeness get to you. You deserve so much better than a douche like that.
bakernutz 4
That guy is a jackass. You deserve better than that.
mauhea 9
Sounds like he could be mistaken for a sperm whale as he's such a massive dick.
ballislife2324 14
U don't deserve a guy like that at all. However the other people that comment by saying kick him in the balls. That's assault. If you think that good justice then u are pretty much saying that if a guy asked out a girl and the girl rejected him and made fun of him then the guy has the right to kick her in the ****** too.
Talis99 26
The operative is "made fun of" and not just made fun of but horrendously insulted unnecessarily. This wasn't just a no.
Badkarma4u 17
They watch too much TV. In the real world I've seen women get hurt thinking they can slap a man, knee him in the groin or throw alcohol in his face. I've seen men do nothing, and I've seen men loose it and hurt the woman badly before anyone could pull him away. That is just bad advice. Remember if you choose to start a fight, you dont get to choose how it ends.
Talis99 26
Eat him.
amileah13 26
Shows you his immaturity level. He's worse than a third grader.
LuluRichards 20
What an utter arsehole