Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband jolted in bed and while still half-asleep said, "I had a nightmare; I dreamt we had a kid." I'm 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML
Today, I awoke from a bizarre dream where I, a man, was pregnant. If that wasn’t weird enough, when I gave birth, it was a pug puppy. FML
Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML
Today, I look five months pregnant, but alas I'm just full of shit. I wish I could poop. FML
Today, I woke up at 1 a.m., after having a nightmare that I was pregnant. I took pregnancy test, and… baby boy or girl in May 2025? FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I buried my 8-year-old son two weeks ago and had my husband serve me divorce papers three days ago. FML
Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML
Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML
Today, after dumping my fiancé and altering my life following my therapist's advice so I could be free and self-sufficient, I finally feel like I'm in control of my life! However, I just had a dream where I was married to my ex and had two beautiful babies, and I cried so hard I had to call out sick. What have I done? FML
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Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
That stinks.
Fully_fml 0
Haha I love how this worded!
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Comments (229)
DaG00ds 0
dump referring to a female instead of a son? AYOOOOOOO!!!
dmooredawgs 0
Are you black? If so, check for a pulse before u flush it
Intoxicunt 6
Erm, shit is brown in color. He's implying it was a black baby that just LOOKED like shit. :/
Intoxicunt 6
I think it shouldn't be said as well, because it's just degrading to be compared to a pile of shit, no matter what the reason. I was just explaining why he picked a certain race to compare it to.
Intoxicunt 6
Wasn't supposed to be an excuse. I was just explaining it because I thought you didn't get the lame attempt at a joke. Was trying to help. :) He's buried now anyway. ^_^
johnnyg1018 0
lmfaoooooooo
savemysoulnow 0
what does ftw stand for?
mayaaaxoxo 0
for the win or **** the world
nerdsgetmehot 23
That sucks! You definitely didn't deserve that one! When I was sleep-walking once, I ALMOST mistook my friend's closet for the bathroom. Luckily I woke up in time...
texassmile05 0
Lol...I am sorry, that really sucks! It is still funny, nonetheless.
kasimM10 0
so ur black?
crzyry 6
Your life would suck if this happened but it didn't so you suck!
Annakins 0
You're just mad because it's your baby crzyry. :)
crzyry 6
No "Annakins" I'm not mad that it's my baby, I'm mad that you made a fake fml and it passed but none of my real ones do! >:-( GRRRRRRR!!
Annakins 0
And wait a second, your "real" ones?! I've sat by you when you write them and THOSE ARE NOT REAL! What a square! I can't wait to tell our son all about this stuff about you! Hmph.
crzyry 6
....Ok only 10 out of 13 were real but your's is a total fake, I hope you're proud of yourself!
Annakins 0
You wouldn't know if it was fake, you left this morning before I woke up! I don't imagine you'd just let me to rot in my own filth. Then again, maybe you would, but the point is YOU WOULDN'T KNOW BECAUSE YOU WERE AT WORK!
crzyry 6
Fake, fake , FAAAAKE! You woke up shortly after I went to work and I doubt you would have left "******** all over our bed" out of your morning rant! Shame on you, stay away from the dark side.haha
Annakins 0
Since when is 3 and a half hours later SHORTLY! You're just mad because my FML made it and none of your 13 did! Don't be jealous that my shitty story made it on here, just feel blessed that your life isn't as ****** up as mine! I won't be mad at you if you decide to leave me... :(
Annakins 0
I'll still name our son after you... even if you decide to leave me... I love you! :(
crzyry 6
You have issues, now get back in the kitchen! ;-)