Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband jolted in bed and while still half-asleep said, "I had a nightmare; I dreamt we had a kid." I'm 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML
Today, I awoke from a bizarre dream where I, a man, was pregnant. If that wasn’t weird enough, when I gave birth, it was a pug puppy. FML
Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML
Today, I look five months pregnant, but alas I'm just full of shit. I wish I could poop. FML
Today, I woke up at 1 a.m., after having a nightmare that I was pregnant. I took pregnancy test, and… baby boy or girl in May 2025? FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I buried my 8-year-old son two weeks ago and had my husband serve me divorce papers three days ago. FML
Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML
Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML
Today, after dumping my fiancé and altering my life following my therapist's advice so I could be free and self-sufficient, I finally feel like I'm in control of my life! However, I just had a dream where I was married to my ex and had two beautiful babies, and I cried so hard I had to call out sick. What have I done? FML
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Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
That stinks.
Fully_fml 0
Haha I love how this worded!
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Comments (229)
jeans2tite 0
now THATs pathetic!!
owlcity1996 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! failure!
ginamouse2 0
atleast u didn't pop out ur baby in your sleep haha.
Clare420 0
nothing is wrong with smoking some weed(:
lilai1396 0
88- I don't know why, but I must know about the genius thing. Like school wise, common sense wise? Did you take like an IQ test? Just wondering because I have been thought to have an excellent intelligence level but my common sense fails… So yeah…
Primus_fml 0
I saw this in moderation and said no. Why? Crapping is something everyone does, therefore crapping does not make your life suck. This is the 2nd dumbest "FML" on this site.
Primus_fml 0
Oh wait.. they shit in their bed. Horribly worded IMO.
Freeze_fml 17
Did you misread it twice? >_>
Primus_fml 0
? Insight me.
Intoxicunt 6
Wow. Reading comprehension fail. Probably due to the marijuana I imagine you smoked recently. I think it's nicely worded, funny, fresh, and really really easy to understand. I can't even imagine how someone could have misread it. Dreams she's giving birth, meanwhile in real life *****. It's obvious people are in bed while they are dreaming. Edit: LOL, vocabulary fail is icing on the cake.
Primus_fml 0
Wow thanks for that.
Primus_fml 0
And, I do know that you dream in your sleep I just thought it was slightly confusing at first. It could have been interpreted in a couple different ways.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Primus, I'm genuinely curious. How?
Primus_fml 0
Well, as long as no one will call me a dumb ass, I read it as they dreamt they were givin birth but in real life they were ********. However the ******** took place AFTER said dream. That's how I read it.
Freeze_fml 17
Insight you... You misread it during moderation AND when it got posted.
Primus_fml 0
Not really. I recognized it after the first few words and decided to comment. Have I cleared everything up yet or shall I explain something else?
abplafcan 0
Did you over-look the word "meanwhile"? that would explain the confusion.
Primus_fml 0
Yes I guess I did. Thank you for not immediately critisizing me.
seanreddog 4
Don't worry Primus I was thinking the same thing. I don't know if that makes it any better but I thought this was worded badly too.
ScaryyMary 14
I don't see what's so poorly worded about it. It even makes perfect sense if you skip the word "meanwhile". Maybe some people just need to go back to first grade and learn how to read again.
Primus_fml 0
Ahahahahaha **** you.
seanreddog 4
Whatever, I'm a ******* genius I just thought she meant daydreaming or something for some reason.
AlexiixelA 0
That would be a lovely family story. xD
Intoxicunt 6
"...had a dream..." = daydream? And if you're a genius, why did you forget your punctuation? :] Yeah, I really don't get what's wrong with the wording. I like it and didn't have any trouble understanding it.
seanreddog 4
Yes. I'm just lazy. Don't know why I thought daydreaming. I guess I'm not thinking straight today
Intoxicunt 6
Ah, I know the feeling. It's fine to be smart but have off moments (e.g. me throwing the food in the trash instead of the napkin...) :D
Mr_Zachary 0
intox up in this bitch pwning your nabs.
troll4thelulz 0
That's hot. (I have a poop fetish)
karina_said 0
hahahaha whhhhat the..? . hahahah
ceedub24 0
????????
shibainu519 0
what's his name???
troll4thelulz 0
Nice avatar 25
barbarajean 0
26 is queer
fortunefades 3
either way, it's all the same
xXBrokenByLoveXx 3
ew that's discusting
itz_towelie 6
i think it would be worse for her husband (assuming she's married) that would suck waking up, and rolling over, only to find yourself rolling into a puddle of crap... poor guy