Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML
Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad, "What's up?" He casually replied, "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML
Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML
Today, I saw my dad naked. How? He came into the room I was staying in, drunk. I'm gonna need a whole lot of therapy. FML
Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML
Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML
Today, I walked in on my mom, my dad, Sarah, and Sarah's husband James making dinner in the kitchen. Completely naked. At 2 p.m. They weren't cooking anything to eat. FML
Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML
Today, my dad came home and wanted to grab a glass. It wasn't in direct sight so he slammed the cupboard door so hard, I peed my pants. FML
Today, despite him having a truck and plenty of food in the house, my lazy dad woke me up early and forced me to get him a cup of coffee and a biscuit from the convenience store. They only had sausage biscuits. When I returned, he shot me a dirty look, ripped out the contents of the biscuit, and ate only the bread. FML
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Top comments
TheFamilyElf 17
You know what they say. It's only awkward if you make it awkward. Just kidding, that's awkward as hell any way you slice it.
blondebrunette11 4
Did he wink when he said "Son" ..?
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Comments (149)
Tali147 16
I wouldn't sit down at all. My appetite would be gone.
SnaKiZe 3
You coulda joined him at the table, naked! :D Father-bonding time! :P
Tripapley7699 0
Looks like u got a good blow out of that
NoReservations 9
Your mom refused to make him a sandwich after.
rachdrenck 0
That was his nice way of telling you its time to move out!
tigrouficele2012 44
*passes the brain bleach*
SystemofaBlink41 27
I like how it sounds that he said it non-chalantly
MerrikBarbarian 9
For some reason I read this with Darth Vader's voice for the father... Which presented a very odd (if amusing) mental image.
Inediblepeaches 15
Dafuq
neverdrinkSODA 12
good luck with the eyes.. a good, new pair of eyes is hard to come by these days