Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML
Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad, "What's up?" He casually replied, "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML
Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML
Today, I saw my dad naked. How? He came into the room I was staying in, drunk. I'm gonna need a whole lot of therapy. FML
Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML
Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML
Today, I walked in on my mom, my dad, Sarah, and Sarah's husband James making dinner in the kitchen. Completely naked. At 2 p.m. They weren't cooking anything to eat. FML
Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML
Today, my dad came home and wanted to grab a glass. It wasn't in direct sight so he slammed the cupboard door so hard, I peed my pants. FML
Today, despite him having a truck and plenty of food in the house, my lazy dad woke me up early and forced me to get him a cup of coffee and a biscuit from the convenience store. They only had sausage biscuits. When I returned, he shot me a dirty look, ripped out the contents of the biscuit, and ate only the bread. FML
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Top comments
TheFamilyElf 17
You know what they say. It's only awkward if you make it awkward. Just kidding, that's awkward as hell any way you slice it.
blondebrunette11 4
Did he wink when he said "Son" ..?
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Comments (149)
rubbertoast 2
I need a new pair of eyes from u juss sharing this story
aw3som3sauc3 10
Can you English just a little bit gooder next time? For me?
jaredofmo 22
"Son." "Dad.... YIKES!!!" "Come on. It's nothing you haven't seen before." (Has anyone else had their dad say that?) "I didn't want to see it that time, either!"
TheDrifter 24
Any time is freeballin time. Gotta let the boys breathe or they'll be all squished and sweaty tonight when... sorry op, forget I said anything.
mazdamanpr5 3
So Dad, What's up? Oh, nevermind, I see, not much!
krysxkatastrophe 14
Nothing like a little father-son bonding time.
Zachthejoker 10
Well that's a helluva way to bond
diaspora_fml 26
What is the huge issue with seeing someone naked? How can you possibly be so much of a repressed prude that you could be so eternally scarred to require new eyes? How can someone being naked on a piece of furniture render it a biohazard. This whole "someone I'm not sexually interested in has body parts and that's just gross" thing is just disgustingly ridiculous.
xNephilim 19
Thank you. I really don't see what the big deal about seeing your parents naked is. I mean, jeez, you came out of your mom's ****** and in a lot of cases, both your parents took you into the shower with them when you were a kid! Or maybe that was just me. I was semi-afraid of taking showers when I was about 6, so my mom usually took showers with me or sometimes, when she was too busy, my dad did. Same with my sister, only that it was me who was taking showers with her instead of my dad.
GoldenGrizzly 7
I was about to say that. Also... its his house, he pays for it. He could walk around naked all her wants.
comeatmebroo6254 1
You said early hours, right? I hope you just didn't include that it was dark.
auzz1_pride 9
Sneaky noor wanting the chair for herselfs >:o
ArielTheMermaid 17
For some reason the mental image I got was really funny
aw3som3sauc3 10
Funny? FUNNY? You think this is funny!?!? Well, that would make two of us.
towboater198425 6
It's his house he can do what he likes! If you don't like it move out