Today, Christmas Eve, I told my wife she has three presents to choose from: one large, one small and one tiny. She immediately responded, "Is the tiny one in your pants?". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, because it was our first Christmas as a couple, I was careful to get my girlfriend what I considered to be a very thoughtful gift. She opened it, took one look at it, made a face like I'd just kicked a puppy, and told me that in future it would be better if I just gave her money so she could buy her own presents. FML
Today, I opened my Christmas presents with my husband. One of the things he got me was a ball gag. "Yeah," he said with a grin, "That one's more for me but I didn't wanna buy myself headphones." Cue our son asking me what it was. FML
Today, my wife asked me to wrap an empty box to put under the Christmas tree. She didn't want her vlog followers to think she didn't get me any gifts. FML
Today, my wife and I were with friends when she said that men who like guns all have tiny penises. "Seriously, even smaller than me!" I added, and only realized what I'd said when the laughter started. FML
Today, I gave my wife a $900 necklace as a special Christmas gift. She gave me a set of Star Wars pajamas. As it turns out, I was more excited to wear my gift than she was to wear hers. FML
Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML
Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML
Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML
Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML
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Top comments
Dave_Davington 34
Last Christmas, I gave you my dick The very next day, you said it's not very thick This year, to save me from tears I'll give it to someone desperate
maritime1992 5
Oh please. If this FML was about a husband making fun of a wife's loose pussy, everyone would lose their shit and tell her to file for a divorce. Gotta love that double standard.
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Comments (28)
Dave_Davington 34
You have to admit, you walked right into that one.
mfmylifesrsly 30
I've actually never understood why people find it acceptable and say people walk into being insulted by asking things such as this. Partners should not insult each other, especially about their bodies.
Xen_Akari 4
I find it sad about how many people on here can not take a joke. It is a great joke he walked right into. Jeez if things like this get your blood boiling then i worry for your and any future relationships. Why so serious.
aswethinkweiz 20
It's a form of teasing/humor. you'll know the person and what's acceptable to joke about and what's not. Not all relationships are the same and not all jokes are the same.
OrganicSistah 17
Hahahahaha!!!!
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Tell her you're saving that one for someone who'll appreciate it more.
Dave_Davington 34
Last Christmas, I gave you my dick The very next day, you said it's not very thick This year, to save me from tears I'll give it to someone desperate
Welshite 40
"That's the bonus present. It's micro-sized."
O1010010010100 1
rekt
KingKralj 31
"No, it's on your chest."
cootiequeen4444 11
If you think about, an average sized present box is bigger than most dicks, so a small box would probably fit most dicks, 3 inches versus 7 inches is not a big difference in the grand scheme of things (not talking about sex stuff. just size difference stuff in the basic, literal sense and thinking of how there's stuff out there that is many feet long, so inches on the end are just... inches). But now you know next year to have big, bigger, and biggest presents instead?
mfmylifesrsly 30
Actually 3 inches verses 7 inches is a big difference. Think of it in terms of height. I'm 5'8 and one of my friends is 5'1". Our height difference is huge. Whereas my best friend who is 5'5" the difference is noticeable but not as drastic as the first friend.
bananarama619 3
Just because it got your panties in a twist doesn't mean it was a bad joke. Is your wife mad that she got married and ended up with a second pussy?
maritime1992 5
Oh please. If this FML was about a husband making fun of a wife's loose pussy, everyone would lose their shit and tell her to file for a divorce. Gotta love that double standard.
rockydify 22
Was it?
jbursach 5
"BURN!!" - Michael Kelso