Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife and I were with friends when she said that men who like guns all have tiny penises. "Seriously, even smaller than me!" I added, and only realized what I'd said when the laughter started. FML
Today, I realised that my husband and I have gotten so fat that his already small dick no longer even reaches me. FML
Today, my wife told me that I take her breath away. However, she was talking about my large stomach hitting her while we have sex and knocking the wind out of her with every thrust. FML
Today, I was getting out of the shower, when my boyfriend decided to ask, "Did your boobs get smaller, or did you just gain weight around them?" FML
Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML
Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML
Today, I was playing with my kid cousin outside. It was warm, so I was wearing my new bikini, and felt pretty good about myself. She suddenly turns to me and asks, "How come your tits are so small when you have such a big belly?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
m15m 0
you call that bitch your wife???
koolitaliano 0
tell her she has small ****, ;)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (130)
michabailey 8
YDI for drinking beer and not buying enlargement pills.
idkwtfbbq 3
she's right, to hell with your micro penis; you should have gender reassignment surgery.
hockeykid30 1
haha tiny penis
Averizzle 0
Haha I bet you're not that large either.
Melkezidech 0
And that's when you tell her that you'll fix yours when she fixes those rat **** of hers.
pepper3434 0
Baby penis! Any other Shane Dawson YouTube watchers?
fueledbyshar 0
haha shane ftw :)
thehelenlouiseee 5
shane me = love
musicalibrary 4
As Shane would say, "There is nothing wrong with my turtle!"
Menick47 0
Periodcup! Haha Shane Dawsontv rocks!
rachelmarie4 0
I love me some Shane Dawson!!((:
beffburger 0
clitdick!! yay shane!!!
jasonsaied 1
she deserves it for saying "willy"
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv 2
Yes! Lolz he's HILARIOUS and hott
M4V3R1CKR13 0
British People and thier funny words
rap33r100 0
lollnice I like Shane tho
zZPedobearZz 0
87 this is in FRANCE!! WTF
Loserr_Face 0
@#77 haha clittterdick:) I love shane:D
SarahBearXoX 0
Shane Dawson ftl :D clitter dick haha yeah op pretty sure she owned you was I the only one who imagined a Ron weasly accent for the wife?
Bl4ck_1c3 2
erm... yes, yes you did
gothrockerkid 0
no you weren't. first thing that popped up on my mind...
koolitaliano 0
tell her she has small ****, ;)
mizzleshizzle 0
**** smack her
purplemnm 9
he probably wouldn't reach far enough
karmaSUCKS321453 0
73 ftw
Hosea11 0
french....
m15m 0
you call that bitch your wife???
ImaginaryFoe 1
The truth is out there, she just called it to his attention. If she is still is sleeping with his mini-pricked fat arse, she's not a bitch - she's a saint!
bridgette5866 0
Hahahah, laughing because OP is British and you can tell.
Shokz992 0
OP is from France.
SmellDaPurp 0
#27, agreed!
Pyrithium 8
#27 if this was the other way around, ie the man calling the woman fat, then it would be messed up, right?
mygoodsir 0
one word enlarge
mitch707 0
There is no effective way to enlarge
singhjr1 3
kegel exirsices work for most people. you just have to fibd the right routine.
Heavyrocklegend 3
YDI for eating lard
afatmonkey 0
Have you ever eaten lard? It makes your hair shiny and can decontaminate bullet wounds. And it can be sculpted into ponies.
_swimcutie_ 0
Ohhhh man. It looks like u just got owned by a women. Too bad u agreed with her. :( On the Internet. :( Where everyone can see it! :( LMAO..lose some weight. Get in shape. You will feel better ;)
sum1savemeh 0
very truthful wife you have
sjisje 0
he should be happy she is honest lol
oneoneryperv 0
I would rather my wife be honest so I could do something about it than lie and falsely pad my ego.
writergirl23 19
Unless she genuinely doesn't care. Some women don't, you know.
_swimcutie_ 0
Ohhhh man..it looks like u just got owned by a women. What is worse is that u admitted it was true. On the Internet. Where everyone can see it. =[ Poooor OP. LMAO
chikiitaaa 0
LOL!!
sjisje 0
ydi for whining about yer wife being honest. this is reality son.
jack8765 0
lol maybe you should get a bigger penis they can fix that nowadays
CallMeHush 1
Tell if it is so damn small she shouldn't mind it in her ass tonight. Oh and, less beer, more sit-ups.