Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML
Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML
Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well as our clients. About two hours in I started playing with the lid of the pen I was using, next thing I saw was the lid flicking up and hitting my boss square in the middle of the head. FML
Today, while squishing a stink bug, it sprayed directly in my eye. FML
Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spat directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated, then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML
Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML
Today, I'm in training at an animal shelter. There's an adorable tiny kitten there, which my boss said not to touch because it's feral. "No way he's dangerous!" I said, reaching into the cage to pet it. It struck like a cobra and tore up my arm. My first on-the-job injury is from a KITTEN. FML
Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML
Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML
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Top comments
txgirl2013 14
"Aw you made me INK!!"
Tigerblossom 19
Do you work at an aquarium or a pet shop? Because if its a pet shop you can't have the animals getting too "attached" to you.
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Comments (135)
Wizardo 34
You let him do you on the first date!
TiffGreen 11
Oh because of course you want and Octopus to put ink all over you... that's the best fun a person can have.
3rdbass 9
I'd try it myself if I could understand what you were trying to say.
doodlecloud 27
I'm not saying it was necessarily a good comment but it really wasn't difficult to understand. She made one typo - 'and' instead of 'an' - but other than I don't know how to make it any clearer...basically, she's using sarcasm to point out that getting ink on you isn't fun and therefore not something you would choose to do, meaning OP's boss is stupid for assuming OP was willingly getting inked instead of working. I probably just made that more complicated though. It really was simpler the way 12 wrote it.
UnluckyGenius 21
She likes you were sea horsing around to me! I feel like that won't work.
UnluckyGenius 21
Seems like*
CaptainBlack 18
Dude I'm sorry but your life is awesome.
PenguinBitch 44
K-inky
emmingle 24
hey, at least you can cross "octopus molestation" off your bucket list.
purpl3fac371 5
haha edgy joke you have there friend :^)
brianarodz20 5
i would of thrown it on him . And been lime you stop playing with the animals ....
rocker_chick105 31
*have... would HAVE. I don't understand why people say would of...
Llama_Face89 34
You would have gotten fired and possibly a lawsuit if you had been in OP's situation...
flockz 20
because "would of" sounds like would've, which is of course just short for would have.
vladimirnabokov 15
You get to work with an octopus? Whatever job you have, I want it.
twinkiefeets 17
Interesting coworkers.
Sweetpea22 14
You get to play with octopi? I am jealous. D: