Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at football practice, the biggest lineman shouldered me so hard in the groin that my protective cup pushed back with enough force to crack the bone. FML
Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML
Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML
Today, I took a huge shit halfway through my gym workout, one of them half-wet, messy, stuck in your butt hairs. Three rolls and an anus with the feeling of carpet burn later, I proceeded to the bench feeling strong. At the twelfth rep, I sharted, right in my brand new gray pants. FML
Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML
Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML
Today, I was doing squats at the gym. I caught my reflection in the mirror, got distracted by how awkward I looked, and lost my balance. I fell backward onto a medicine ball, rolled into another person’s legs, and took them down with me. We ended up in a sweaty heap. FML
Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML
Today, I was exercising my legs by laying on my stomach and lifting a dumbbell between my feet. I sneezed mid-lift and dropped the dumbbell right on my taint. I haven’t looked but I’m pretty sure both my asshole and cooch are bruised. I’m walking like John Wayne. FML
Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML
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Top comments
deviable 9
Don't worry, at least you're not called Skidmarks.
minder97 10
hopefully some of your shit got on the guy
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Comments (273)
belkinbra 12
You sound like a little wimp. Start drinking protein drinks and lifting weights. Same goes to your 'lineman' that weighs 200 lbs. But then again the quarterback should NEVER be hit in practice.
jsalud 4
Small lineman haha your lucky.
Omfgitsmia 15
LMFAO!!!
grattow96 0
You should have gone before practice and that guy should starve hi Self to lose weight
ikickgingers 15
89 - huh?
Enslaved 38
89, why would a lineman want to lose weight? Their weight is their biggest strength..... If that's what you're trying to saying. I'm guessing here.(:
CyonideCyns 0
I believe this was meant to say *himself* Not hi self
CyonideCyns 0
And I agree, why would a lineman want to LOSE weight? 89 must not know much about American football.
hazardoussmiles9 22
For a second there I thought it said 'Mudblood'.
trentbuchanan 0
200 hundred pounds??? That's an average size running back where I'm from.
hewdud 0
200 pounds isn't rly that big of a guy...
Joshoa123 16
What a shitty situation.
Enslaved 38
Ahhh.... Normally your comments are funny. Win some, lose some.
Joshoa123 16
I think I'm out of it, its been days since i thought of something witty. My life is now meaningless.
kathuzada 6
That isn't that heavy
ohmandapants 17
Really? 200 pounds running at you full speed isn't that heavy? And yes, the speed makes a difference.
kathuzada 6
Yes, I know I have had heavier weight fall on me when I was in middle school. No poop was involved.
ohmandapants 17
Well maybe OP really had to shit
SexySheWolf 0
that would be embarassing