Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at football practice, the biggest lineman shouldered me so hard in the groin that my protective cup pushed back with enough force to crack the bone. FML
Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML
Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML
Today, I took a huge shit halfway through my gym workout, one of them half-wet, messy, stuck in your butt hairs. Three rolls and an anus with the feeling of carpet burn later, I proceeded to the bench feeling strong. At the twelfth rep, I sharted, right in my brand new gray pants. FML
Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML
Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML
Today, I was doing squats at the gym. I caught my reflection in the mirror, got distracted by how awkward I looked, and lost my balance. I fell backward onto a medicine ball, rolled into another person’s legs, and took them down with me. We ended up in a sweaty heap. FML
Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML
Today, I was exercising my legs by laying on my stomach and lifting a dumbbell between my feet. I sneezed mid-lift and dropped the dumbbell right on my taint. I haven’t looked but I’m pretty sure both my asshole and cooch are bruised. I’m walking like John Wayne. FML
Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML
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Top comments
deviable 9
Don't worry, at least you're not called Skidmarks.
minder97 10
hopefully some of your shit got on the guy
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Comments (273)
texas_redneck88 10
Lmao damn bro that sucks. FYL
ninjuh_wingman 29
Thats both really sad and really nasty
Barrientos432 5
That nickname isn't so bad..
himynameiskrista 0
Puppy (: total squee.
marpay 11
My thought exactly. You could totally play that off with the ladies. "Yeah I fell into some mud so that's why they call me muddbutt." I'm pretty sure I'd believe him.
bizarre_ftw 22
Alright, this is a 65yo man with a puppy. Did anyone else get a little freaked out for a moment and start looking over their shoulder for a large white van? o~O
HideouslyHuman 10
Under his about me it says hes a puppy..So he's a 65 year old Pedopuppy.Pedobear has an acceptable challenge now!
elk21dbm 18
If you do the math, he's only 36
darkmis1 18
I thought it said a 200 pound woman lolz
rexgar2000 10
are you Amish?
KiddNYC1O 22
80- Impossible. They don't have the interwebz, let alone electricity.
ImOlivia 5
Nor are they aloud to take pictures of themselves.
Glitterhinoceros 14
Well, 99, she sure does look like a Spitter from L4D2. If only she was a zombie.
killtin 2
Shut up no such thing as women on the internet let alone l4d
MeganCello 8
Dipshits, I doubt he knows how much the guy really weighs, he probably just estimated. How much he weighs is irrelevant to the FML, anyway.
bizarre_ftw 22
Nor would they be wearing a T-shirt and purple bandanna
elk21dbm 18
Better than shitface? Idk I'm sorry op
seprioth0126 0
That's really not that much weight...
SteveTheJanitor 6
I'm pretty sure something like this would happen to you if a 90kg kid fell on you..and 90kg is pretty heavy incase you didn't know
seprioth0126 0
You probably didn't play football. This happens all the time. Like every day. 200lbs for a lineman is not that much anyway.
SteveTheJanitor 6
I dot even live in America and as far as I know having someone who is 90kg fall in top of you would hurt and who cares how much he weighs anyway...OP crapped his pants and that is what the whole FML is about
LardZilla 11
I don't know why you guys are thumbing him down. Most lineman are on average between 260-350 pounds op got pretty lucky he was only 200 pounds.
dancer050 0
Its enough to make him shit himself...
gregorrok1 0
Well it obviously was big enough to make him defecate on himself
gregorrok1 0
He probably isn't playing college football... OP is probably a small high school kid
pirate56 0
I'm a small high school kid that plays football I have to take a shit like everyday at practice and linemen fall on me all the time. Somebody might just be a pussy.
patandjulia 8
Im a line backer and i weigh 210 and ive never made a kid shit himself just by tackling him...
mgrubby 4
Jealous much?!
CyonideCyns 0
Well that's a shitty situation.
THE_A_TEEN 28
*Me and FPSrussia, with guns pointed to your head Say that again, one more time...
CyonideCyns 0
Challenge accepted. That. Is. A. Shitty. Situation.
THE_A_TEEN 28
*****'s gun. Какие-нибудь последние слова shitman?... ^ bonus point's for translation...
illmatic2 16
I wonder how many times I've seen that exact same pun......
KiddNYC1O 22
57- First, who's ****?
THE_A_TEEN 28
In a non-vulgarish defenition, it's a word that define's you (the gun user) pulling the charging handle of a gun to load the round into the chamber of the gun.
ducttapewallet 7
FPSRussia. Not your friend, mine. MINE DAMMIT!
oops_im_fucked 8
BOOM!
CyonideCyns 0
112- I think the 'whos ****' comment was about the apostrophe you added to the word **** and not about the definition of the word itself
pyrogirl6622 0
Dude next time move out the way and let some else get hit so they can get a bad nickname and see how it feels too
SteveTheJanitor 6
Oh yes he'll just move out of the way next time a 200 pound boy comes stumbling towards him and hope that someone is behind you and they poop themselves instead of OP. might I say this is an excellent plan and will work for sure
Jesus_Christ69 0
27 - are you mentally challenged?
THE_A_TEEN 28
jesus, your dad gave him his soul, plus your JESUS CHRIST. You should know...
ImOlivia 5
Jesus Christ has 69 in his user name ;)
ohmandapants 17
Really? Couldn't read that for ourselves thanks for telling us
icefshng8 9
So much hate :(
CyonideCyns 0
104- I really can't think of something to say to you that isn't me excessively overreacting. I don't know you, but to me, your like that one dumb ass friend that always has to repeat the punchline of a joke as if others couldn't understand it for themselves... I detest people like you...
SteveTheJanitor 6
I'm surprised you didn't vomit
bizarre_ftw 22
Yeah, he prides himself on not being a conformist Basically mudbutt is a hipster
perdix 31
You'll certainly start having a following of gay fans.