Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at football practice, the biggest lineman shouldered me so hard in the groin that my protective cup pushed back with enough force to crack the bone. FML
Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML
Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML
Today, I took a huge shit halfway through my gym workout, one of them half-wet, messy, stuck in your butt hairs. Three rolls and an anus with the feeling of carpet burn later, I proceeded to the bench feeling strong. At the twelfth rep, I sharted, right in my brand new gray pants. FML
Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML
Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML
Today, I was doing squats at the gym. I caught my reflection in the mirror, got distracted by how awkward I looked, and lost my balance. I fell backward onto a medicine ball, rolled into another person’s legs, and took them down with me. We ended up in a sweaty heap. FML
Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML
Today, I was exercising my legs by laying on my stomach and lifting a dumbbell between my feet. I sneezed mid-lift and dropped the dumbbell right on my taint. I haven’t looked but I’m pretty sure both my asshole and cooch are bruised. I’m walking like John Wayne. FML
Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML
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Top comments
deviable 9
Don't worry, at least you're not called Skidmarks.
minder97 10
hopefully some of your shit got on the guy
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Comments (273)
BibzIzBack 5
Im a freshman in hs and every lineman on our team is over 200 lbs we even have one guy who is almost 300 and they land on me all the time....stop ya bitchin and man up!
ajamespski 0
dude, how weak of a stomach could you have? i get landed on by linemen that are 275+ and nothing happens. and im a 160 lb sophomore in high school.
squanmonster 8
Do you play for the Browns?
lcau322 0
maybe you should play chess
Wreakorofhavoc 1
200 pounds? that's nothing man, you must be a twig
surriesly 1
your problem is your linemen are TOO small. if he was bigger you won't have gotten laid on he's a 200 pound joke. sorry man.
oxxxjackyxxxo 3
itll b ok muddbutt x)
SoSickWithIt 14
Yeah, I'm gonna have to say you're a pussy. 200lbs? Seriously? I bet you're the kid who has their parents bitching at the school district trying to restrict kids bigger than 150lbs to be shut out from playing. Pick a different sport, like badminton, hopefully you won't get hurt or have your bowels strewn out.
daydreamer244 13
don't worry muddbutt.
ZeroMachine 3
You dumbasses calling this guy a "pussy" realize that it would only take about 50 pounds of pressure, applied in just the right way to make someone loose their bowel.s right? Yeah. a 200 pound guy is not that big in football player terms, but that amount of weight on someone's stomach would make them poop themselves for sure, if the guy had been as heavy as some football players OP might have internal organ damage.