Today, I got out our electric fan because it was very hot. A cockroach crawled up behind the frame on the fan and fell into the gap of the frame. It got itself killed by the rotating fan, and had its blended flesh sent flying all over my white polo shirt. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, there was a gigantic wasp in my room. It stupidly flew upwards and got hit by the rotating fan. It then immediately decided to take it's revenge by stinging me. FML
Today, I turned on my A/C for the first time in a couple of months. A family of ginormous cockroaches climbed out of the air vent and a few clumps of dead cockroaches fell to the ground. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner when I noticed a cockroach on the kitchen counter. I reflexively tried to spray it with what I had to hand, which was window cleaner, but it seems to have pissed it off and flew right at me instead. I screamed and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the roach in charge. FML
Today, I decided to bring down a very old fan from the attic. I plugged it in, and as soon as I turned it on, tiny spiders were blown all over my room. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I was sitting in my garage with a fan on my face because it was hot when a suicidal cricket decided to jump into the blades, causing his cricket guts to be sprayed onto my face. FML
Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML
Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML
Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML
Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML
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Top comments
alienc 0
hey at least you weren't doing the thing where you say stuff into the fan because it makes everything sound funny, just saying could've been worse than just the polo shirt.
RachelHellYeah 0
No
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Comments (182)
lovesteph3523 0
omg, gross!
Stupified 0
Cockroaches have flesh?
bosskidz20 2
nasty!
JohnE3 0
I feel bad for the cockroach. Had so much life to live, blended and tossed aside in a mere instant... Let us take a moment of silence for Mr. Cockroach.
Jessi2487 0
18- i was thinking the same thing. OP, to avoid future incidents as the one stated above, i believe you shall invest in a can or 2 of bug spray. Raid, black flag, and bug off are all exceptional brands that will solve all of ur said "bug problems." *wipes hands* my work here is done
kkbanks 0
you are really pretty! is ur pic airbrushed?
MonkeyBusiness_fml 3
Roaches rock
copycat148 0
ydi for wearing a white polo
chippa 24
Gross...
Mars_Bars_Big_Na 0
whoa 1 is cute but that duz suk start wearing brown
irish_drunk 0
haha ydi for wearing White
like_its_ya_bday 0
ydi for being ugly
mnemonicdaze 0
The iPhone capitalizes white. I don't know why but it does.
MetalFish 0
Snow White? xD But, OP, I would love to of seen that! Emo Cockroach! lmao
kathira120 3
riiiiiiight. because he SO knew that was going to happen. I'm sorry, OP!
bartholemew4life 0
especially after labor day.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Fun and Appropriate Fact: White is traditionally the color of death and mourning in many Asian cultures. The Chinese traditionally wear red wedding dresses to symbolize luck and prosperity in the new marriage. The Japanese traditionally wear white wedding dresses to symbolize the "death" of the bride's family's influence, and the rebirth of the husband's and in-laws' influence.
aback 5
So this white shirt symbolized the death of the cockroach! Nifty!
mnemonicdaze 0
Ahh I get it.
219julie 3
ughhh ewwwww! Dx
ohSNAPyall 27
Haha, gross. Beware of fan death.
ohSNAPyall 27
PS -- Look up "Fan death" (not the band) on Wikipedia. Wild stuff.
laauurreenn135 0
has anyone ever noticed that like 1/3 of fmls are about cockroaches
RachelHellYeah 0
No
pleasenopuffin 0
me either
iwuvwolfz 0
It funny hot the name is roachblend
iwuvwolfz 0
it's how not hot
Unlucky_Gun 0
Me neither. But I think cockroaches in your house would be an FML by itself
MissRachieee 3
EWWWW!
icraziie 0
miss no.5 you are hot ~
jessecax 0
if you're talking about her 'boobs', she most likely pushed them up & out of her shirt. a lot of ***** do that.
marc_with_a_c 3
she's still hot anyway i'd do her
jessecax 0
dude. you're 30. she's 18. grow the hell up and hit on someone your own age.
marinus_fml 20
25, you calling her a ****, based in the assumption that she pushed her **** up?
lovesteph3523 0
that does not mean she is a ****.
jessecax 0
no. I wasn't calling her a ****.
marinus_fml 20
33- ok, implying she is a **** then?
Person1233 13
You were calling her a ****. You said she probably pushed her boobs out, and felt the need to say "a lot of ***** do that." Therefore, you are a judgemental prick. Who also appears jealous... thxkbai.
fmlbrooo 0
16, He didn't say anything about her boobs. He said she was hot. Stop bieng a bitch, I'm pretty sure the only reason your talking sh** is because your flat & wish you were half as pretty as her.
lovesteph3523 0
i know, like really, leave 5 alone. Your obvioussly jealous. Your just making fun of her to feel better about yourself.
marinus_fml 20
hhah I must say #5 needs to clean he room?
lovesteph3523 0
lmao well maybe its not her room
marinus_fml 20
her room* damn i hate typing on my phone when I'm tired.
jessecax 0
um. okaythen. think whatever you want because you're all wrong ;)
fmlbrooo 0
Uhmm ok congrats' no one cares byee (;
Person1233 13
If everybody took your comment as calling #5 a ****, then I think you are the one that is wrong.
lovesteph3523 0
haha 47, none of us care.
jessecax 0
okaaay who ******* cares?
Stupified 0
I care.
term164 0
lol @ 59 nd agreed 5 is pretty =]
lovesteph3523 0
haha 59, your funny:)
illmatic2 16
His funny what?
anorexicbarbie 8
I agree with 81, she's not a ****, she just has low self esteem.
lovesteph3523 0
how do you know she has low self-esteem?
MetalFish 0
#5, you're pretty, but I think judging from your build that you naturally have 'smaller' breasts and you probably have pushed them up, not saying that's a bad thing, if you've got it, flaunt it ;) #47, you can talk with your HIGHLY contrasted picture! What are you hiding, eh? maybe you're fugly? maybe you're not... who knows. Either way, you're a bitch for calling #5 a **** when all she did was post a comment, complete with a flattering picture of herself. And you can't say 5 people are wrong and you're right, Hell, I'M stubborn but I sure as hell ain't that bad. Face it, you lost this argument, we all think #5 is being reasonable with her picture. Case Closed.
lovesteph3523 0
haha, thank you 89
530boy 0
hott
Stupified 0
it's funny that the people saying she has low self esteem can't bring themselves to post a clear pic of themselves...
lovesteph3523 0
haha, i know eh?
MissRachieee 3
I agree with #97z
MissRachieee 3
UHMM. Kso. I'm not a ****. It's not my room. I don't have low self-esteem, thank you for sticking up for me and haters: **** you. (:
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
I'm staying out of the **** debate. I will say, however, that it irks me to no end when people assume someone is judging another because [s]he's "just jealous." Talk about narcissism. =
chippa 24
It's just clevage. I never understood what the big deal was about that. It's not like her nips are hangin' out. Grow up.
MetalFish 0
Long Story short, I'd tap that. XD JK I'm not a one-nighter type of guy.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Sure, if a girl shows cleavage it's sexy/slutty, but when I show ass cleavage it's nasty!!! What a double standard!
jessecax 0
you all seriously need to **** off.
fmlbrooo 0
113, Why else would she call her a ****? She sees a pretty girl with bigg boobs, and kicks her down when someone else compliments her. She's practically screaming out "I'm Jealous".
chippa 24
Because, as we all know, true ***** don't have the ability to produce a nice, real smile because of their lack of inner happiness. /sincerity
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
130: Or maybe jesse is just unkindly stating her opinion of the way MissRach is dressed. People make judgements here all the time, whether they're basing those on someone else's grammar, religion, style, weight, or whatever. You can't reasonably argue that all of those other comments are based on jealousy. I don't see why this one has to be different because the person being criticized is a pretty girl with a nice figure. For the record, I'm NOT defending jesse's comment. I don't agree with it and IMO, it shouldn't have been made. My point is simply this: assuming someone is jealous because they don't share your standards of attractiveness makes one seem narrow-minded, narcissistic and self-involved. Conversely, making judgements about lifestyle and unsolicited, mean-spirited comments based solely on a person's looks shows pettiness, cruelty, and no class or tact. Both probably show ignorance and insecurity, but neither necessarily indicates jealousy.
iwuvwolfz 0
I read this fml a lot cuz 5's hawt=D
pinkfloyd222 0
hahahaha! poor cockroach.......
brandon425 1
haha it had to land on their shirt... I bet op is ugly too :( adding insult to injury
ThatLooksSticky 16
That sounds like a nightmare! ::shudder::
TheNewGuy03 29
as a person who has done research on cockroaches, i can say that that would be a truly...unpleasant experience. if i step on them, i make sure not to step too hard so they don't separate and shit. i ******* hate roaches. |the kid|
Lythiaren 8
So change your shirt and toss the dirty one in the laundry pile.
icraziie 0
ydi for having cockroaches running free in your house .. get pest control ..
skydryice 0
you obviously never lived in Taiwan. roaches roam there. and they are the size of 2-3 beer caps put together. AND, they fly.
cajun_nicole2012 0
AHH OMG!!!
Jacckay 3
That's some scary shit there. Just thinking about it freaks me out.