Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML
Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, my father got drunk and became crazy. He just kept talking nonsense and swaying while walking. It seemed like he was going to vomit. I hate him being like this. FML
Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML
Today, I walked outside, slipped, busted my head, and had to get 7 stitches. Turns out my son thought it would be funny to spray the sidewalk with water last night so it would freeze. He got a laugh, and I spent over $100 on the stitches. FML
Today, I woke up really out of it, and as I was walking into the kitchen, I stubbed my toe on a tile. I sat down, then got up and stubbed the same toe against the table, went over to the kitchen and stubbed the same toe on the same tile again. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
say_what2032 12
You're 23 and you still have allowance?
UH60 26
Why do you have an allowance at 23
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (129)
MaiiMahmoud 10
23 and you still take allowance?? Maybe that's his way of telling you to find a job and move out?
FalloutScrolls 25
23 with an allowance? I was 15 when my parents cancelled my allowance by telling me to get a job.
worldclassrager 41
Time to move out
gilligan_isle 6
Why are so many assuming that OP lives at home and gets an allowance? OP could be living on their own and their dad was visiting, got drunk and forgot OP isn't a kid anymore
the_real_dvd 21
Get a job and get your own place. Problem solved.
Jryan952015 7
At least you weren't wearing any shoes bet you dad would have kicked you out the of house instead of just taking you allowance?
IndridWarm 23
Sorry OP, my finger slipped and I clicked YDI the first time.
blueyoshi_fml 16
I broke my toe this summer stubbing it, careful :)
sean18202 10
i dont think he actually gets allowance... i think that was just his drunk dad saying that
leogachi 15
@52 "and has cancelled my allowance." It doesn't say anything about a threat to cancel it, it says it actually happened.
SneezyBear 27
@Leogachi um... if the drunk dad yelled 'your allowance is cancelled!' and he didn't have one in the first place it would be a false statement but you wouldn't call it a 'threat' O_o
leogachi 15
@91 A threat doesn't mean physical harm. Let's say you have an important document saved on your computer and someone tells you that they're going to delete it because you made them angry. Did they claim they were going to physically harm you? No. Did they threaten you? Absolutely.
SneezyBear 27
@Leogachi... boy you are confused. If the person doesn't have a clear intention of carrying out what they say, then it's a threat. If the person has made their decision and it is going to happen, it's not a threat. If the dad failed to realised OP no longer gets allowance anyway, it makes him a drunk dumbass; it doesn't make it a threat. Not according to the English language, anyway. Think of it this way - you are a customer at a shop, but the insane shop owner thinks you are an employee, yells at you for not doing your job and tells you 'you're fired'. Would it be correct to say he 'threatened' to fire you? No - a threat would be 'I'm going to fire you if you keep this up'. In the insane shopkeeper's mind he actually DID fire you. It was not a threat - physical or otherwise. Nor do you perceive it as one, you just perceive it as a delusional shopkeeper. Kapiche?
Kitty_Kat16 16
YDI for being 23 and still getting an allowance