Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML
Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, my father got drunk and became crazy. He just kept talking nonsense and swaying while walking. It seemed like he was going to vomit. I hate him being like this. FML
Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML
Today, I walked outside, slipped, busted my head, and had to get 7 stitches. Turns out my son thought it would be funny to spray the sidewalk with water last night so it would freeze. He got a laugh, and I spent over $100 on the stitches. FML
Today, I woke up really out of it, and as I was walking into the kitchen, I stubbed my toe on a tile. I sat down, then got up and stubbed the same toe against the table, went over to the kitchen and stubbed the same toe on the same tile again. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
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Top comments
say_what2032 12
You're 23 and you still have allowance?
UH60 26
Why do you have an allowance at 23
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Comments (129)
aredvulpix 23
How do you not notice a grown man on your kitchen floor?
WCARlover 35
hahah an allowance at 23. I can picture it now..."hey girl, in another 4 weeks if I keep doing my chores I can take you out for a nice date at McDonald's. I'll even let you order whatever you want from the dollar menu ;)"
Krypt1c 11
I laughed way too hard at this xD
NH_Freelancer 19
Why can't I like this multiple times???
smb1uam 6
You deserve it for being 23, living with your parents and still receiving an allowance. Why don't you go to college and work a part time job, hating your life and struggling just to keep alive like the rest of us?
HarryWholock87 17
I'm 26. I go to school full time and work part time to pay for school. I can't afford to move out. So, maybe instead of being an asshole you can try to be understanding.
FusionPlacebo 26
Why don't you get a job instead of getting an allowance...
Crazyjohnb 23
Maybe his dad is so drunk he is treating him like he is young
rt58killer10 20
I'd be happy to have allowance at 23 :D
christopherwilli 14
Aren't you a bit old for allowance?
Waschlappen 23
Am I the only one who reads it like OPs dad was so drunk that he thought that OP was still getting an allowance, but OP isn't anymore and that's part of the FML?
Ali_Br_fml 33
Didn't think of it that way... it's possible. If OP really is still getting an allowance though, they better grow up and get a job.
9a_1z 12
I would've thought most people would interpreted it that way, why else is the OP pointing out that they're 23?
leogachi 15
@19 If Op had meant that, wouldn't they have said "threatened to cancel" and not "has cancelled"? You can't cancel something that doesn't happen.
Michael903 18
#19. Thanks for the post! I didn't read it that way (based on comments, neither have a lot of others). I get what you're saying and think you're right on the money!
9a_1z 12
I thought they phrased it that way for comedic effect.
HarryWholock87 17
@20, I'm 26 and I get an allowance. I work part time and go to school full time.
romegatekeeper 8
That is screwed up or this is a fake statement /. 1/2 of these are made up ..... !!! REALLY PEOPLE GET A CLUE !!!
RecklessNapkin 16
um...
loserman67 36
Unless you're going to medical school or some other type of extended education, why are you living at home, with an allowance at 23???? At 23, I had already graduated college, was starting a career, was married and owned a home. With all due respect, get your shit in gear...
gilligan_isle 6
Not everyone goes to college right after high school some can't afford it and don't want to be thousands of dollars in debt without a guarantee of a job. I didn't, I joined the military.
leogachi 15
@27 We can't all live your life.
9a_1z 12
Their life can't be that sorted if they still feel the need to brag about it on the internet, it reeks of insecurity. Some of my friends are single, living with their parents, still figuring out what career they want. In a few years I may be stuck in a rut while they're having the time of their life. Life is fickle like that, but I'm sure we'll still manage to respect each other.