Today, at 8:00am, I walked into the kitchen and stubbed my toe. That's quite a normal occurrence, but this time, I stubbed it on my drunk, passed out, 53-year-old father's forehead. He's mad at me now and has cancelled my allowance. I'm 23. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML
Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, my father got drunk and became crazy. He just kept talking nonsense and swaying while walking. It seemed like he was going to vomit. I hate him being like this. FML
Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML
Today, I walked outside, slipped, busted my head, and had to get 7 stitches. Turns out my son thought it would be funny to spray the sidewalk with water last night so it would freeze. He got a laugh, and I spent over $100 on the stitches. FML
Today, I woke up really out of it, and as I was walking into the kitchen, I stubbed my toe on a tile. I sat down, then got up and stubbed the same toe against the table, went over to the kitchen and stubbed the same toe on the same tile again. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
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Top comments
say_what2032 12
You're 23 and you still have allowance?
UH60 26
Why do you have an allowance at 23
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Comments (129)
oldsaltydawg 12
allowance? get a ******* job
AggieMike77 12
you're 23, still live at home and you get an allowance? What the **** are you? Too stup8d to work and be on your own?
rroyma24 8
Allowance? YDI. Get a job, you're not 13 anymore.
momac86 17
Grow up
katertott 44
Wait, allowances are actually a thing? I thought that was just in books and movies... I always had to work hard for every penny. Still do.
pitapizzaparty 18
Your toenail cut his forhead
Henderbender66 3
Uh. Move out? Get a job?
lovehate8995 9
allowance at 23???.... what...
GeorgiaBea 28
Why do you have an allowance at 23? I had been living on my own in a different state for two years by that point.
iwadasn 33
YDI for still getting an allowance at 23. Have some self-respect and get a job.