Today, as I was walking into my apartment building, a douchebag leaned out his truck window and yelled, "HOW MUCH FOR A BJ?" He then pulled into a spot near my car. Apparently I have a charming new neighbor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML
Today, I was getting catcalled downtown by a guy I've never seen before. Then he told me he knows where I live, and accurately described my apartment while he followed me for 2 blocks. FML
Today, as I was driving out of a parking lot, some douchebag yelled at me: "Nice car! Too bad you're so ugly!" It was my friend's car, so I don't even have that going for me. FML
Today, I was in the car hooking up with my boyfriend. He was on top of me when I noticed my neighbor jogging toward the car. Instead of hiding, I felt compelled to wave as he jogged past us. FML
Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down, he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML
Today, my neighbor, whom I've had a massive crush on but barely know, actually started flirting with me. Long story short, it ended with him getting a blowjob. I said, "We should make this a thing." He replied, "Yeah, a one-time thing." FML
Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML
Today, when leaving my apartment, I instantly noticed there was a giant dump truck in our lot, which turned out to be directly behind my car. After making a 20-point escape from my parking space and getting to work late, my roommate texts me, "DUDE guess what I got last night." A giant dump truck. FML
Today, I met my new neighbors when they backed into my parked car. FML
Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML
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Top comments
Judus_beej 0
you should have said depends on the size. the smaller the more costly and by the sounds of it you need to get a loan from the bank.
rave_noises 0
He sounds fun. Invite him over for tea and crumpets.
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Comments (94)
evilshade 0
YDI for looking like a hooker.
sinix 0
get a restraining order lol
Skroal_stomper 5
Well Op how much?
username5000 0
leve!!!
mrjude 3
Write the amount on his car's hood. In brake fluid.
Sparx1_1 16
So you make a formal complaint to the building manager and get on with your day. problem solved.
happy_dino 6
REPOST!!!! This is a repost!!! check out the FML after the next one!! (going down... not up)
iCreate 10
Just take it as a compliment and ignore that idiot for the rest of your life.
Marionnoiram 0
At least now you've got a way to make a quick buck if you're ever in need.
idratherbeincali 0
^ So wrong but so funny I second it
PinkCyd 0
OP here. Not that it matters, but I was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt so I wasn't even dressed like a ****. And I did complain the management. Guess how many ***** they gave? I'm thinking of going to the Mexican grocery store and buying some intestines, tongues, etc. to leave in his truck as a housewarming gift.
sassyparrot 9
I can't believe all these people commenting that you must have been dressed like a ****. it doesn't even matter how you are dressed. you never deserve to be harrased like that