Today, I snuck out to go see my girlfriend. When I got to her house, I left my bike out front and we went on a nice walk around the block. We passed a homeless-looking woman going the opposite way. About ten minutes later, the same woman passed us, on my bike. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was driving home from my friend's house and noticed this really cute girl riding her bike. She had an amazing body, beautiful blonde hair, and looked like my kind of girl! About 10 minutes after I got home, my sister pulled up. She had just biked home from the hair salon. FML
Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML
Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriend's house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML
Today, I went out to go meet up with a guy. I walked all the way to his house just to see him. Then he made me hide behind a bush till his girlfriend left. FML
Today, I was driving back home after hanging out with some friends. I drove pass a woman standing next to a broken down car. I felt bad, so went back and offered her a ride home. Turns out it wasn't her car and she was a hooker. FML
Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen, so I went to work. On my walk to work, a girl pulls up on my bike and says I needed to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. She hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass before police surrounded me and accused me of stealing my own bike. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were waiting for the bus. The weather had been cold and snowy recently, and I realized I'd forgotten my transit card. She nonetheless got on the bus without me. I had to walk it alone in the snow. FML
Today, I was riding on my bike when I saw a homeless guy holding a sign saying, "Need money, stranded from Oklahoma." I decided to be nice, and hopped off my bike to give him $2. He took the money, and then jacked my bike. FML
Today, I biked 15 km to my girlfriend's house in really heavy rain to surprise her. Turns out she's on holiday in Spain, and hadn't bothered to tell me. FML
Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML
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Top comments
lenamartinovic 13
Why didn't you lock your bike? YDI in so many ways.
Betz 10
Perhaps she was..."two tired"
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Comments (85)
lenamartinovic 13
Why didn't you lock your bike? YDI in so many ways.
ebdeadaccount 11
It's possible that he did and she just picked the lock.
deBlobX 12
Skill increases to 16???
patrickalamo 48
Why didn't you knock her off your bike is the best question.
MDTeddy 13
@7 She could have just broke the lock. She is homeless and wouldn't care about picking it.
spaerro 8
It's not really an FML unless you didn't call her out on that shit.
ScaughtieHolden 11
OP's bike was stolen. How is it only bad if he told the lady it was his bike? -__-
Fisheyedfool7 2
No kiddin 15. Was that homeless lady entitled to his bike? I DON'T ****** THINK SO
BabySparkle1 15
17- relax! No need to get your panties in a twist.
DreBeezy 9
But, he didn't call her out on it ._____. So it still counts as an FML, right?
dandelion0_o 5
Why did you have to sneak out? Are you not allowed to just leave your house?
UberNova 18
I don't know ....maybe he is still living with his parents and has a curfew?
XxskyelovexX 13
Could also be grounded and not aloud to leave the house.
walmartpaysme 15
Any responsible parent gives their child a curfew.
Betz 10
Perhaps she was..."two tired"
xlord 27
OP should get a grip and handle the situation properly. BTW I wheely hate these puns. Everyone should just put a brake on them.
Fisheyedfool7 2
Same here, especially when those puns are as weak as this shit. "Two tired" my ass, gayest shit ever.
vitty_z 16
guess you didn't notice 16's puns either 18?
Trix_Disorder 20
My God 41, try and take commenting on FMLs MORE seriously. I mean, I agree with the pun bit, but some of your regulars are a bit fanatical. Take a step back.
Trix_Disorder 20
*you Whoops. Missed the edit window.
Trix_Disorder 20
I've seen plenty of fights on here; please don't assume. Been coming to this site for some time. They're almost all equally pointless and ridiculous, as are most squabbles on the internet. Just trying to offer some perspective. You're in the comments section of a website for heaven's sake.
Trix_Disorder 20
I'm just fairly certain he won't be coming back to read your comments, as most newbies don't practice returning to conversations. That's just my experience, though. Understand where your coming from.
Meettitan 14
Seems hypocritical....
Trix_Disorder 20
Hah, looks like mods deleted some comments here? Interesting; didn't know they took those sort of liberties.
afropuffjake 9
Is this the cue for what's his name to put his shades on and for that song to start playing? >_>
zero91 4
why on earth did you leave your bike keys behind?
ebdeadaccount 11
Maybe he he was talking about a regular bike, not a motorcycle.
Ins0mau 20
If he's young enough to have to "sneak" out, he probably has a bicycle with pedals, not a key.
KiddNYC1O 22
Lmao. I don't know why but I don't think that someone who owns a badass motorcycle has to sneak out of anywhere.
Merylwen 24
How can you be silly enough not to understand he said bike for "bicycle"?
ASD_K 11
Bicycle keys. Genius.
Jeffo193 13
Always lock your bike dude, even if it's a nice neighbourhood...
Trix_Disorder 20
This reminds me of people not locking their dorm rooms in college. Better to be safe than sorry.
onlychildFTW 34
Why would people not lock their dorm rooms? That seems like a very bad idea. OP, you should have locked your bike up. But I wish you luck explaining how your bike disappeared because you weren't supposed to be taking it out. So much for the secret sneak out.
Trix_Disorder 20
60 - Honestly, your guess is as good as mine. Laziness? Assuming your roomie would do it? Assuming that the other people you live with (or visit the dorm) are lawful good? People kept doing it, though, because their stuff kept getting stolen.
walmartpaysme 15
My first night in my college dorm room, someone picked my lock and opened the door just enough to see sitting on my bed. They freaked out and ran off but I started hiding my valuables and taking my laptop to every class with me.
Whistlee 8
There is such thing as LOCKING a bike. Just saying.
yabbadabbadooyah 12
There is such a thing as reading the comments before posting something that has already been said.
emeraldisle 30
I hope you let the police know as well as us.
justin574 6
The **** are they going to do? I bet you think the cops will save you if someone breaks into your house as well right?
SolanumX 6
Justin, I don't think you understand just how much cops help society. In this case, they could probably recover the bike fairly quickly.
emeraldisle 30
55 - I take it you've had a bad experience with the authorities.
ebdeadaccount 11
I'm sure watching your bike being stolen was really grinding your 'gears'. :D
Fisheyedfool7 2
Fail
iamabamf 17
Well it got more up votes than your comment, sooo...
DeadxManxWalking 27
Could have put it in your girlfriend's house or backyard or something