Today, I followed my neighbor's advice and sprayed Sprite on my Christmas tree because it will "make it live longer." I just came downstairs to find my Christmas tree covered in ants. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while trying to take my Christmas tree down, I learned that at some point during the last few weeks, it became home to a colony of green ants. I'm now covered in bites and terrified to go anywhere near it. FML
Today, my family and I went Christmas tree shopping. My husband and I were walking around when I saw the perfect tree. Excited, we immediately bought it. When we got home and set it up, I realized it came with a present: termites. FML
Today, we brought our Christmas tree inside to decorate. We decorated it, then went out to dinner as a family. Returning 2 hours later, we came back to find our living room to be occupied. Not with people. The tree had been filled with baby spiders, and they were all over the living room. FML
Today, I bought a Christmas tree and carried it up three flights of stairs alone. I finally got it inside, only to realize it was too tall. I tried trimming it, but now it’s crooked, shedding everywhere, and leaning like it gave up on life. I hope the greenish marks on the ceiling won't be permanent. FML
Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML
Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML
Today, I woke up and found that the tree in my front yard was gone. FML
Today, I was visiting my childhood home, and I checked out my old treehouse. A family of skunks had made it their home, and I was promptly sprayed upon entering. FML
Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML
Today, for the first time ever, my family bought a real Christmas tree instead of using our old fake one. Today, I also found out I'm allergic to Christmas trees. My family won't get rid of it because they paid so much for it and intend to "get their money's worth". FML
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Top comments
SuperPizzaMan_fml 11
Kill them ants with diabetes
Cainicide 5
Spray sugar on it - I heard that kills ants.
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Comments (76)
SuperPizzaMan_fml 11
Kill them ants with diabetes
SWhimsynBubbaS 14
Oh yes, I've heard that technique works like a charm!
PoseidonsSon 3
*Diabeetus
GoingCommando93 14
89- he spelled it correctly. Diabetes*
rawr_ily96 24
#129 You obviously don't know about this wonderful thing called a meme. knowyourmeme.com
MehrunesDagon456 20
You are an idiot. Meme reference.
zoPwNAgEzo 21
People are so gullible these days
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Yeah, I even heard they took the word gullible out the dictionary.
Shadowvoid 33
No, it's on page 483 of my dictionary. Haha, i have showed you, silly bastard.
strwbrymochi15 2
66- thanks for proving the point that people are gullible.
kristabelli 19
Uh... I'm pretty sure 66 was joking...
tristanisgay 7
OP didn't know ... I don't think they deserved this at all. Now time to **** your neighbor up!
Spottedfeather 7
Yeah, they DID deserve this. You spill sugary soda on the floor or counter...ants come around. Why would someone think that spraying sugary soda all over a tree would be anything different ?
micahsmommy 13
You're not supposed to spray the tree, you're supposed to mix the sprite with the water the tree sits in. The sugar is supposed to feed the sap and keep it fresher longer.
MikeFoxtrot01594 11
100, the problem with that is that the fibers that go up can only handle water. The ones with sap generally flow down.
dre_bro11 12
106, while you're right in saying that the water-carrying fibres only travel up (xylem), the sap-carrying fibres (phloem) work in both directions. So, I think 100's idea would work.
mclauren29 22
Wouldn't that have been messy to spray on your tree? Shaking up the bottle/can? Or did you put it in a trigger spray?
TheZee 12
Does it really matter HOW she sprayed it? -_- The real FML is that her neighbor told her sprite was going to make her Christmas tree 'live longer,' and she was gullible enough to fall for it. Questioning about how it was done was unnecessary, detective.
lmbachman 23
Kind of a valid question IMO...
Bibliovore 26
#38 -- Actually, Sprite CAN help cut plants live longer -- but it needs to be mixed in with the water, not sprayed on the needles/leaves. (The Rose Bowl parade floats initially used 7-up as floral preservative, according to my horticulture teacher.) I don't know how effective it is for evergreens. I suspect that either the neighbor didn't understand the principle, or the OP didn't understand the neighbor.
Sweetpea22 14
Really? I was in horticulture and my teacher never told us that.
ByronJess 17
^Because not every teacher knows exactly the same stuff as another teacher.
Bibliovore 26
#84, my teacher used to help out with the floats each year, so had first-hand knowledge of it -- you can find the info on a web search. (She also told us never to include really big fresh cattails in a floral design, because when they begin to dry out they can explode, which she learned by bad experience and will never forget.) Your teacher no doubt taught you things mine never did, too. 8)
Trix_Disorder 20
46/97 - I just spent 10 minutes watching "exploding cat tail" videos. Thanks. ;) You can dry them out for floral arrangements though, right? I swear I've seen them in arrangements before. Maybe they were similar plants.
Bibliovore 26
#98, aren't those awesome? *grin* She apparently had all that fluff floating all over her living room, and was literally vacuumin the air itself trying to get rid of the stuff. She said the skinnier ones were safer to use. There may well be a way to treat the fat ones so they aren't an explosion risk, but she didn't go into that. (She may have been too gunshy to ever try doing so herself; she sounded pretty traumatized as she was warning us....)
xWhackedPanther 18
Exactly what i was saying
GreekYogurt 26
Fair question.
Cainicide 5
Spray sugar on it - I heard that kills ants.
ASD_K 11
Hey look, it says "gullible" on the ceiling!
coolbrony12 3
Oh hey so it do- aww you stole my lungs.
Cainicide 5
The only thing that kills ants is fire, obviously. And gasoline it first, so the fire won't spread to anything else.
CTMPandemonium 16
Lololololol #126
Pleonasm 36
Desprite your best efforts, I c-ant see your tree living any longer this way. Colony old-fashioned, but I prefer not to use weird recipes soda-mn much. I hope sharing christmas with critters doesn't bug you too much. Just say you got your son an ant-farm for his present, you'll save some money. Thank me later.
crimsonlover4 31
This was thought out and inspriteful. Genius I say to you good sir!
DustyStorm 16
Have to say this was one of the best comments I've ever read! I actually did LMAO! Please post more often....
MatteKudasai 17
23- pleonasm can't post more often. The site has anti-flood protection.
Pleonasm 36
MK doth speak the truth! Don't worry dusty, I comment when I can, which is every few FMLs or so.
lmbachman 23
Seriously is there a way I can subscribe to your comments??? FML stalk!!! :)
sweetmama88 6
I this is the best FML I ever seen in a long time . Xx
codyjohn17 5
Cover the ants in gasoline and light them on fire. It'll kill them.
Yorih 19
78 - because there's no way that'll cause the tree to also light on fire or anything...
Zingers 9
102- he was clearly joking, idiot
wolfshadow 4
113, the best comedy is taken seriously.
wolfshadow 4
113, the best comedy is taken seriously.
dumpless 13
You-use-way-to-many-*******-dashes----------
crimsonlover4 31
What if your neighbor suggested for you to go play in traffic because it'll refine your reflexes, would you? Lol I don't normally say this but you kind of deserved this one OP :/
the_smart_way 10
Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!
DogsPaw 16
If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball.
broseph_joseph 5
Dinkleberg!
IndigoFuckYou 9
Yeah, because you know what would really preserve plant matter? A chemical drink thats known to cause tooth decay. Seriously?
xWhackedPanther 18
Yeah it actually helps, sugar and water and plus all the other stuff in sprite helps it. But you're mean't to soak the end of the plant/tree in it... Some one failed there Science exams. You tried .
daminantion 14
Meant* their* With grammar nazis aplenty, how are people still stupid enough to fall for the ever-fateful there they're their mixup?
Bibliovore 26
Exactly, #32. Floral preservatives provide sugar, an acidifier, and a bactericide (bacteria clogs plants' water-uptake plumbing and kills the plants). Citrusy sodas, or lemonade, mixed 1:1 with water work surprisingly well; the citric acid helps kill bacteria.
chellyX92 8
34, because some people might have learning disabilities, or just don't give a **** about people like you that don't have anything better to do than to correct ones grammar.
souljacker 11
Actual lmao! Can't wait to give this advice.
ohSNAPyall 27
Your ass is actually gone now?
tayraaah 31
YDI for actually believing it.
pickles1994 18
It's proved to be true, he just did it wrong.
SUPA_TOLL_CAL 6
spread tons of salt over hes lawn in the midst of the night.