Today, an unknown number left me a lengthy voicemail of what sounds like two people having sex. This is the closest I've gotten to real-life sex in 2 years. I listened to it three times. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up and had a voicemail from my boyfriend. I just thought nothing of it because it was a pocket dial. I decided to listen to it carefully and realized it was him having sex with another girl. FML
Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to "Listen to this voicemail." I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty, followed by the bed springs bouncing for three minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML
Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML
Today, I checked my voicemail. I was really surprised to hear an adorable message from my boyfriend, who is vacationing in Florida. I was even more surprised to hear him having sex with some other girl for the last seven minutes of the message. FML
Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML
Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML
Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
Today, I was lying in bed listening to my neighbors have loud, and what sounded like, enjoyable sex. My boyfriend rolled over and said, "she sounds like fun" before rolling back over and going to sleep. It's been four months. FML
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Top comments
cawoods 1
It's like a phone threesome!
Bekll 31
I love when strangers leave lengthy voicemails by accident. Never had one of sex in the background but one did involve a wife yelling at her husband. And OP, 2 years is nothing. I've been without for five years now.
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Comments (115)
I3eefChowFun 7
I understand how you feel. It's been almost 3 days since I had any sex. Thank goodness some chick wants to come over to give me a ******** later today.
klovemachine 24
Doesn't matter listened to sex :D
KiddNYC1O 22
Lol nice.
klx125cross 9
Find yo self a girl OP
melij99 5
Babies making babies.
M3LAKNEE 3
It's **** without the Internet.
Lahawalala 3
Phone sex at the next level.
patrickchawla 1
I havnt had sex in 18 years. I am 18.
Rabidkid 14
Sorry about that OP
BoratSagdiyev 2
Lube up and put it to good use.
vbmg152 19
I got one of those one time. Also, got one from a wife who's husband was cheating! She thought she'd dialed the husband! Boy, that was a good one to listen to, how she was going to take everything. Thanks for the BMW, stuff like that! This was before everyone had a cell phone so, it was more rare to get a wrong number call on it. Hilarious stuff!!!