Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend, when his doorbell rang. He said it was his friend and that he'd be back soon. He shut off his video feed but forgot to mute his audio. A few minutes later, I heard him and some orgasm-faking girl getting it on in the background. FML
Today, I was trying to help a very slow-witted client over the phone. After a while, I realised he was just delaying while pleasuring himself to the sound of my voice. FML
Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML
Today, I butt-dialed my ex-boyfriend while venting to my best friend about how hot but emotionally unavailable he is. I realized this when there was a lull in the conversation and I heard his tinny little voice coming out of the phone, saying, "I can hear you." FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML
Today, I told my friend over videochat every explicit detail of what I had in store for my boyfriend later on in the day. I only realized afterwards that her whispering during the story was her way of trying to tell me her dad was in the room listening to the whole thing. FML
Today, I spent the night with my guy, who I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back, he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML
Today, I was taking calls at the helpdesk I work at. The caller was a man, and while helping him with his issue he suddenly stopped to tell me I had a nice soothing voice. Then he told me to say something else. As I continued to help him, he started making moaning noises. I'm a guy. FML
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Top comments
fosizzlemynizzlE 0
if he was your best friend, he was probably joking. or maybe me and my friends are just weird and think this is normal
my_fml_account 2
Was it as good for you as it was for him?
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Comments (184)
lolwst 1
Hope he/she is the other gender, LOL. That's nice though. You may have nightmares though, LOL.
turtlellama 0
The OP said "HE was strangely quiet," and it says the poster is a woman, so yes, your hope came true, lol.
sillypuppy 0
#27 good eye! OP: Your best friend is a major douchebag--an honest one though. You may now turn your douchebag "best friend" into douchebag best friend with bonus. ;-)
onigiriqueen 0
... I think they should hook up. I don't know that he's a douche, clearly he likes her :/
tommiegirlxxx 0
maybe he's just has a noise fetish haha, this just implies that he's horny for her, not that he likes her in any other kind of way
easylazy 0
Wait, but how could he be quiet if he was jacking off? Wouldn't he make at least some noise?!
Dante167 0
Haha no, I know I dont make like any noise when Im doing that or having sex, I think most guys dont
diet_otaku 0
i think they should hook up too. best friends can make awesome boyfriends.
dancin303 0
or it could of been on mute.
Buneary 0
...Why would it be better if they were the opposite gender?
GGnoRe 0
No one wants to read about 2 men getting it on.
KrystleLynn 0
Read :]
RammsteinFreak 0
this.
JohnnyHobo 0
Zomg you has L picture from DeathNote!:3
customparachute 0
nope. apparently not. i tryed with my best friend. didnt work out. she said she liked me better as friends, but she misses how i tickeled her.
my_fml_account 2
Was it as good for you as it was for him?
xtfauthorx 0
prolly not
pedosmurf 7
You're first stalker congratulations
obnum 19
181- Your* ;)
noelykins1 19
Am I the only one who finds this sort of cute? He likes her and even the sound of her voice makes him hot. They obviously have a connection.
Iwannabetreo 11
He he he he ... You need new friends. :3
allmidnighteyes 11
Ew, holy God. Ew. FYL
Michellec9982 18
Hey to some people, that'd wouldve been a compliment
brooklynbridgehi 1
Like u?
LiiNDzZ 0
ahahahahaha. that's great
LetItRock2009 0
holy crap, what a creeper! hahahaha FYL
eme102 0
you guys must be really good friend. 0_0
doof_fisch 2
Was he using Magic Jack?
drfail 0
#8 WOW. I lol at the stupidity of your joke. ps. Op, ditch the creeper. oh wait, he lives far away. never talk to him again.
Dragodon64 0
LOL, thats awesome
kellbell09 0
Uh hes her best friend why would she ditch him?
hk_fml 9
Ewwwwwwwwww.. that is so twisted. Time to have a serious conversation with your best friend..
Creamysweeps 5
hahaha so he can jack off to her voice some more? hhahaha Jk. but seriously do it in person.
fosizzlemynizzlE 0
if he was your best friend, he was probably joking. or maybe me and my friends are just weird and think this is normal
genius_man16 1
That's what I was thinking. If he has any semblance of a brain, and was REALLY jacking off to your voice, he wouldn't have admitted it. He was clearly just messin with you. Seems to have worked, lol
damnthatsuck 0
lol yeah thats what i was thinking... Why would he admit it? Obviously he was just joking or this is fake..
Xo_CuPcAkLuVa_oX 6
haha i agree 10 me and my friends do this all the time. I can never tell if the boys are serious though.