Today, an unknown number left me a lengthy voicemail of what sounds like two people having sex. This is the closest I've gotten to real-life sex in 2 years. I listened to it three times. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up and had a voicemail from my boyfriend. I just thought nothing of it because it was a pocket dial. I decided to listen to it carefully and realized it was him having sex with another girl. FML
Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to "Listen to this voicemail." I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty, followed by the bed springs bouncing for three minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML
Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML
Today, I checked my voicemail. I was really surprised to hear an adorable message from my boyfriend, who is vacationing in Florida. I was even more surprised to hear him having sex with some other girl for the last seven minutes of the message. FML
Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML
Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML
Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
Today, I was lying in bed listening to my neighbors have loud, and what sounded like, enjoyable sex. My boyfriend rolled over and said, "she sounds like fun" before rolling back over and going to sleep. It's been four months. FML
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Top comments
cawoods 1
It's like a phone threesome!
Bekll 31
I love when strangers leave lengthy voicemails by accident. Never had one of sex in the background but one did involve a wife yelling at her husband. And OP, 2 years is nothing. I've been without for five years now.
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Comments (115)
perdix 31
Call them back and see if you can have real sex with whoever answers. There's a 50/50 chance you'll get a woman. On the other hand, you may want to give the guy a try just to break up your two-year drought.
SousapCody 6
Brings a whole new meaning to phone sex.
sougstad 7
Backpage.com
AndrewsInYouHard 7
the same thing happened to me dude
delicious69 5
Good lord get a hooker
rockgirl7 2
Your life sucks
LuckyLynx7732 5
Only three times?
jimihendrix298 0
Hahahahahahaa...dude nw luk wat is life doing it to u!!! Even ur life cant hide ur secret of nt hving sex jst because....u have a baby penis!!!! Tere to lavde lag gye chuchu!!!
skyeyez9 25
Reminds me of the joke that someone made an obscene phone call to your home, and it lasted 30 minutes.
ittsdann 6
So...you are 14, engaged and have a one year old child. Well...that escalate quickly.