Today, I'm reading in the subway sitting one leg over the other. An old lady sits down next to me. After quietly examining me for about two stations she leans over to me and whispers in my ear: "Girl, sitting like all the time will make you end up with a crooked c**t". I'm a man. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me, "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML
Today, I got on the subway with a broken leg. A kind woman stood up and offered me her seat. Before I could sit down, a guy shoved past me and took it for himself. The woman and I pointed out my cast and crutches, and asked him to give up the seat. He responded by flipping us off. FML
Today, I gave up my seat on the subway for an elderly man. He thanked me by grabbing my ass. FML
Today, while on a crowded public bus, a cute girl asked if she could sit next to me. Problem is, I didn't hear correctly and thought she asked if anyone was sitting next to me. I answered no, causing her to walk off angrily and earning me several disgusted stares from other passengers. FML
Today, I offered my seat to an elderly lady on the subway. She quietly refused. Minutes later on a sharp turn, she almost fell down on two people. As I was clearly the youngest in the disability seating section, everyone on the train turned and glared at me. FML
Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML
Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML
Today, an elderly lady sat next to me on a bench, and started telling me out of the blue about how bad it is to have saggy boobs. I was uncomfortable enough at the unwanted info, without her then looking at my chest and adding, "But I expect you already know that, dear." FML
Today, a lady on the bus came up to me and asked if she could sit down. Thinking she meant the seat next to me, I said sure. She meant my lap. FML
Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML
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Top comments
N_aero 0
Even worse... as a guy it cuts of the flow of blood there... NOT GOOD... unless u have a particularly small package. In that case, carry on, nothing to see here.
Arbitrary 0
Why were you sitting like that in the first place...?
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Comments (67)
blacklagoon_fml 0
Hahahaha, oh man. That sucks! Old people are crazy
b182link 0
um... you must have a really small penis, cause that hurts
SarahPicc 3
ydi for thinking examinating is a word. idiot.
clojo1112 0
is he gay? guys don't sit like that.
Feklfekl2222 32
I thought c*** was a racist insult please help???
justynicole 0
I LOVE YOUR PROFILE PICTURE. *runs to store to buy kitten and various color hair dye.
Arbitrary 0
Why were you sitting like that in the first place...?
danceforever51 4
Why not
Ninjasaurus18 9
Cuz it's comfy as hell.
LiterOfCola 16
It hurts your testicles is why not
N_aero 0
Even worse... as a guy it cuts of the flow of blood there... NOT GOOD... unless u have a particularly small package. In that case, carry on, nothing to see here.
heathallin 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
crooked?? like... sideways?
Moonlightring 14
What other kind of "crooked" could the old lady have been talking about?
Raven_fml 0
Wtf, how would that even be anatomically possible? Batshit crazy old people.
davidhowland14 0
examinating?
Tri_fml 5
Gender confusion is one of the signs of senile demensia, don't take it to heart, lol. Sounds like a charming old dear though ;)
madster88 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
wow ur stupid. who talks like that?
BarcodeDragon 0
Look who's talking, silly.
klimpomppp 9
63- please kindly die now
kailarahne 19
When I was maybe 11 my younger sister and I volunteered at an Old Folks Home and this older woman we were speaking with kept telling my sister she was "such a beautiful boy". her hair was longer than mine. she cried
mcrluver123 0
WTF IS A C**T!!!
ryanchew3 0
lol
CreepInTheCorner 11
****.
alwaysalady 0
@ 13 that is a slang, and generally rude term meant for female genitalia. It is generally not used in polite conversation, unless you are talking to a wonderfully confused, crazy old person, like the OP. And even then it's questionable.
davidtheday 0
#14: Unless you're in the UK. They throw **** around like it's an everyday word. And it should be. I like to preface it with "stupid".
Feklfekl2222 32
It's not a common word in the uk...