Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML
Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML
Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML
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Top comments
hockeychicl003 6
maybe your mustache felt like whiskers
pandachic27 9
Wait so does that mean his cat gives him oral?
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Comments (105)
vinnieboJ 12
i wish my girlfriend woke me up like that... OP's boyfriend is lucky
athos1237 4
So your tongue feels like sand paper?
iamnotdaniel_ 1
LMFAO that's funny
ElTigre995 4
not a big deal sounds like.
qr_fml 21
Guess u give head like a cat?
myklknife 6
Ummm.... That's scary.
_wraith 15
Oh, I understand OP. I got smacked in the side of the head one time.
XRaYKaT 3
Just sprinkle some tuna on that shit and let his cat take over when you're jaw gets sore.
mike307 11
Can I just say your a way bad ass girlfriend!!!
ohitsdaniella 7
His cat gives him oral....?