Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she feels pregnant. I didn't believe her, given how recently we had sex for the first time, so I told her to take a test to make sure. She's very sure now. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
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Top comments
idontknowyou123 0
y u no big enough
Nosrebor 8
Oh wow... Time to try again ;)
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Comments (423)
jillianmathers12 13
Don't you just hate that FML's start with today! It makes this one sound retarted!
Sirin_fml 47
"Retarted", eh?
jillianmathers12 13
Yeah???? What's do bad about it?
FUUUandyourmom 16
Sirin, why can't we thumbs up mod's comments?
jillianmathers12 13
How do you become a part of the FML team?
RaenaMae 0
. . Sirin was pointing out that you spelt Retarded wrong. Lol
jillianmathers12 13
Oh I didn't even notice and I don't know why I spelt it that way I know how to spell it and I have auto correct!
trevishere 7
And I bet to become a part of the team... you don't whine about the way thy want it, starting with 'Today.' Without that I bet someone would put 'Wanker, I had sex and I'm still medically a virgin. Screw me.'
haw008 14
If your phone didn't autocorrect "retarted" then it just hasn't recognized your name yet.
nerdfighteria 7
11- The "Today" introduction sounds perfectly fine in the context of this FML, I don't know what you're talking about. And if you're going to use a word like "retarded" as an insult, at least spell it correctly.
jasleex 0
Jesus you must all be grammar police?
tona01 16
Kaysl ahh the chantalownz event, I forgot about that, thank you for reminding me. It was one of the funniest days of my life.
tona01 16
Ohh and to be a part of the FML team you need brains too. As I already told you, you annoy me, you annoy the depths of my mind and of my soul. You annoy me. I mean jillian of course.
Coolguyt2 0
Yeah I agree with #81, except it's more accurate to say these people are the spelling police instead of grammar police. It's pretty sad an pathetic you nerds care about spelling over the internet. If you morons are whining about spelling on the internet then you never got laid before an you need to get a life...
Coolguyt2 0
Rofl I love how these people have nothin better to do than criticize peoples' spelling on the internet
KiddNYC1O 22
Sighh. Thirteen year-olds can be annoying. This site should really be 17+...
LiveLaughFML 10
#145: i understand where you're coming from, but you're only speaking from experience with "kids" or people who are under 17 who have done some foolish things on FML. i promise, not all of us are like that :-)
KiddNYC1O 22
Okay. It should be LiveLaughFML+ :P
TXjuggalo972 6
When sirin calls you out You don't reply and you surely don't ask to join the fml team *sigh*
The_Troller 14
153- Glad to know there are sane people of my/our age group on this site. I was getting doubts when I saw the first few replies to this comment...
The_Troller 14
The ones by jillianmathers...
SummerFever 8
You must be either blind or ******* retarded to not realize that every story starts with "Today". Either way, I would lay off injecting LSD into your corneas.
jdawg2010 0
no it doesn't. he's saying that his girlfriend went to the doctor today..derp.
tona01 16
104 i saw once in sirin's website a mod named rachel, i'm not sure though
SimoneDymond 3
If your autocorrect didn't correct that, then it's not a very smart phone after all.
DHoffmann 9
You're making a bad representation of us Canadians, jillian. :|
Nosrebor 8
*facepalm
ohmandapants 17
81- it's not a matter of being the "grammar police". It's just ironic that she would be calling something retarded, without being able to spell the word retarded.
Llama_Face89 34
20- it's retarDed. Also so. And any FML is required to start with today and end with FML.
allthatremains25 0
153- if you are implying that you are mature and not annoying why does your info talk about drinking and sex. Your 14.
ohmandapants 17
365- what does that have to do with anything? First of all, that's a rhyme of some kind. Second of all, she has better grammar than you do. Get over yourself
hateevryone 15
well if at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again.
devinewind 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If you had sex today, how can you already have a report from the doctor she got the next day? Did your Delorian make it to 88 mph?
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Re read it. He said today is the day after he had sex with his girlfriend.
grands138 4
All FML posts start with "Today,". And the correct spelling of the car is 'DeLorean'. Moron.
ikickgingers 15
Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't take Lorraine out that he'd melt my brain...
Enslaved 38
"Lorraine, my density has bought me to you." ***Seems fitting, since we're talking about size.
ReesesPuffs 0
Maybe you did it wrong...
larrythedeer 6
Still had sex
chosha_fml 27
#13 When you post an FML, the word today is already there and you can't delete it. That's why every FML starts like that.
Coolguyt2 0
I don't understand why they all start with 'today.' An you can actually delete it when you go to write an FML, but I doubt it'll get posted then
Kiirst_mt1994 26
Did you...put it in the right hole? ...
TipOfTheHat 10
Try, try and try again! You can do it all night long!
Sonic_boomerang 5
Maybe she just has a huge ******? How come it's always the guys not big enough?
mspeacock 6
I learned something new
penguinazul 13
How does this even happen? Am I dumb?
misomalu 0
He has a small dick
Kiirst_mt1994 26
or the hymen didn't break...
penguinazul 13
Since when does a girl's hymen have to break for her virginity to be lost? Virginity = penis in ******, last time I checked, and wouldn't that mean a girl could "lose her virginity" by using a tampon or a vibrator?
XXFMLXXQUEENXX 29
Virginity only means that there has been a penis in a ******. So if they had sex, it doesn't matter how big or small he is, she is still technically not a virgin. Also, the hymen doesn't break or tear. You can't like pop it. The hymen only stretches and it can tear from daily activities.