Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML
Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs TV room. Just as he was about to come, I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door right as he came. I didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the other house phone to make a call, and had heard it all. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs, and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barged in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
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Top comments
RougeRamirez 8
Apparently your mouth
gideeupp 9
Lol not quite Daddy's little angel anymore.
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Comments (218)
TurtleSmile 14
You had sex in your parents house while your dad was home? I suppose better your dad than his, but I still don't think you thought this whole thing threw very well.
JustKittyKat 24
You should have ended your comment after the first sentence.
Praisethelawd 0
I'm dying
isaiaah 6
Through*
KanYates 6
Haha I think I'd rather his dad than mine.
TomPusslicker 21
98- Whats in your mouth?;)
karlee333 11
Agreed. Then you wouldn't have encountered the grammatical error with the word 'threw'.
Chris_trolololol 2
YDI for having sex in the same house as your dad.
RiRi823 5
He could have just gotten home from something. You never know, she could've had sex when he was gone, and he ironically came home when she said that. You never know.
foshizzle82 7
Where's the irony?
newbzy92 6
Wait...if you knew your dad was home, why would you shout it??
AndyAutopsy 11
Perhaps he had just gotten home? That's how I took it, anyway.
SApprentice 34
I feel bad for your father. That poor man. I hope you're ashamed of what you just made him go through- He can't just unexperience that. It has happened. Now he has to live with that knowledge.
klovemachine 24
I wouldn't dare say that knowing that a parent (or parents) were anywhere in the house. Save that for pillow talk ;)
shittylife5222 0
omfm. that's embarrassing.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
he wont look at you the same coming Thanksgiving
zandalee 20
What the ****?
SaturnV 25
...or any other day of the year.
Baegel 15
Same CUMMING thanksgiving
Ima_NeRD6213 4
"My daughter's a *****!?"
SApprentice 34
You shouldn't type like that. Also, it's 'scarred'.
deathtothepix 26
Why would you even say that to your boyfriend?
bobslawnservice 16
Because she is the sort of woman who is great in the sack - playful, funny and uninhibited. The kind of woman men want to be with?
simonsaysYDI 8
Hmm yes because all men want the exact same thing from a woman. From conservative pastors to wild and open playboys. Yeahh... no.
bobslawnservice 16
Look, if your favourite type of woman is dour, unfunny and neurotic in bed then good for you. I'm sure the vast majority would agree with me.
doctorhook86 25
#99's overgeneralizing, but I think he's got a point: women who aren't afraid to talk dirty during sex tend to be (and have) more fun than those who are.