Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML
Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey, except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
Today, my mom confused me with my dad. She got in the shower with me. FML
Today, I was getting out of the shower and realized I’d forgotten to lock the bathroom lock. I heard someone coming towards the door and panicked. I hid behind the curtain and tried to stay completely still, but my dad walked in, saw me standing there like a statue, and just said, “Oh, erm, I’ll come back later.” FML
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Top comments
darlinjai 18
Maybe you need to switch things up a bit...
ThatPlankton 15
Did she figure that out by your socks?
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Comments (112)
perdix 31
It's great that your folks have so much fun talking about masturbation, maybe you ought to try it. Next time you head up to your room, say, "Mom, Dad, I'm going to spank the weasel now, so could you try to hold it down? Lord knows I'm going to have to use two hands to hold it down! Love ya!"
RedPillSucks 33
That's oral sex, right?
perdix 31
#41, no, manual. I think you need to re-read the manual ;) It comes in handy.
Ajwc101 24
O.o
poccocurantes 7
YDI for not changing your routine for so long that not only does your mom know but it is at a point where she feels free to talk about it. Guess you weren't fooling anyone when you slipped in the room and clicked the lock on the door.
DeadxManxWalking 27
No shame. It's normal.
Akay4 14
...How would she know?
SpottedZebra42 14
They always know. You're never as good at hiding it as you may think.
ulissey_fml 22
Well, at least she does not charge you for bathroom "service".
SWC_Penguin 17
Kids never seem to remember: Your parents were once teenagers too!
sonofsoulreaver 5
Nobody knows you like your mother.
vbmg152 19
We know everything! You kids think you can do stuff behind our backs but, we know! I grew up in the 1970's, there's not much I haven't seen or done! My kids get away with nothing!
poptart840 5
Or so you think.
EffUrEll 8
Wow if your parents were any more involved in your masturbation, they'd be lending a helping hand.
Pyapi 20
I'm not a guy or anything, but I imagine doing it in the shower is much more practical!
yeti37 16
#75, what would "or anything" imply if you aren't a guy? I can only come up with "girl"as the only viable alternative. What am I missing?