Today, a large spider climbed inside my lunchbox while my mom was making me sandwiches. She didn't tell me about it until after I got home from school, though, and only because I mentioned a strange aftertaste in the sandwiches. She said she didn't want me to worry over lunch because she knows I hate spiders. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating lunch outside with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML
Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and was about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuttled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, after waking up to find a large spider outside my bedroom door and screaming, waking up my mum to kill it, she then sprayed it and went to pick it up. She then informed me it was made of plastic. My cat had got into the Halloween decorations from the spare room and decided to play. FML
Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I found out that the stories about how you swallow insects and spiders in your sleep are true, as I woke up to a funny taste in my mouth and the remains of a spider stuck to my braces. FML
Today, I saw a spider. My two year-old knows that I'm afraid of them, but in an attempt to not pass my phobia onto him, I said it was a piece of dirt. Now he thinks that I'm afraid of dirt. I did not think this through. FML
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Top comments
ragnarok1540 39
That sounds a bit suspicious. If your mom was making the sandwich while the spider climbed into your lunchbox, how did the spider get completely inside your sandwich in such a way that you would not see a leg or two sticking out or otherwise notice beforehand? I think you should inspect all your food before you eat, and consider hiring a taster tester. Your mom may have it in for you ...
lhazz11 23
Why would she not get it out...?
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Comments (41)
marko1596 24
and this stupid fml is ******* fake
lysx84 24
Oh. Dear. God. No, nope, Nuh-uh. Puh-leeeez tell me she was winding you up for moaning about the lunch she made you...
moocowmilk0 19
I gagged a bit
PumaGator 18
It's okay, it adds extra protein. You'll live.
chosha_fml 27
That makes literally no sense, that she would see a large spider crawl into your lunch box and leave it there because she didn't want you to worry about spiders. I think she was messing with you after you said your sandwich tasted strange. Otherwise, your mother is awful.
Gigglyrocks 15
your mom packs your lunch? are you in the third grade?
AussieGirl2014 18
I call bullshit.
dontknow1 19
Don't worry about it, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
blackmater12 6
thats ******! omg sorry for you OP
CaityMandy 10
Make your own lunch