Today, a large spider climbed inside my lunchbox while my mom was making me sandwiches. She didn't tell me about it until after I got home from school, though, and only because I mentioned a strange aftertaste in the sandwiches. She said she didn't want me to worry over lunch because she knows I hate spiders. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was eating lunch outside with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML
Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and was about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuttled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, after waking up to find a large spider outside my bedroom door and screaming, waking up my mum to kill it, she then sprayed it and went to pick it up. She then informed me it was made of plastic. My cat had got into the Halloween decorations from the spare room and decided to play. FML
Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I found out that the stories about how you swallow insects and spiders in your sleep are true, as I woke up to a funny taste in my mouth and the remains of a spider stuck to my braces. FML
Today, I saw a spider. My two year-old knows that I'm afraid of them, but in an attempt to not pass my phobia onto him, I said it was a piece of dirt. Now he thinks that I'm afraid of dirt. I did not think this through. FML
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Top comments
ragnarok1540 39
That sounds a bit suspicious. If your mom was making the sandwich while the spider climbed into your lunchbox, how did the spider get completely inside your sandwich in such a way that you would not see a leg or two sticking out or otherwise notice beforehand? I think you should inspect all your food before you eat, and consider hiring a taster tester. Your mom may have it in for you ...
lhazz11 23
Why would she not get it out...?
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Comments (41)
lhazz11 23
Why would she not get it out...?
SubaruWRXSTI 16
You eating the spider has suddenly made you into Spider-Man.
Nvsmith 6
Why does this have so many dislikes
Frillwee95 12
Because it was cheesy.
Candijpg 17
#30 I feel like you have been waiting for forever to post that comment since you literally are a bowl of cheese
domolovesyoshi 33
Why would she not take all the sarnies out shake the box and then put all the sarnies back and were the sarnies not covered in Saran Wrap
iseebearbears 27
What are sarnies?
Xandler 8
English slang for sandwich
arano 29
I didn't know what it meant either but the context clues are all there if you just think about it.
Starlight8 14
Well not for an ole fart, like me! Ha.
BethieCake 8
I'm English and I've never heard that before hahah
totallynotemily 25
Put a fly in her soup
cacheson 42
On the bright side... Extra protein!
TheNewGuy03 29
Your mom is weaving quite the intricate web with her words.
ScratchCatPower 32
Just reading this makes me cringe. Why didn't she take it out?! That's so nasty.
ragnarok1540 39
That sounds a bit suspicious. If your mom was making the sandwich while the spider climbed into your lunchbox, how did the spider get completely inside your sandwich in such a way that you would not see a leg or two sticking out or otherwise notice beforehand? I think you should inspect all your food before you eat, and consider hiring a taster tester. Your mom may have it in for you ...
marko1596 24
This is fake and stupid
cranberries_fml 17
Maybe it's time to start packing your own lunch...
Oceanborn_fml 24
I was wondering why someone old enough to be hanging out on FML still had their mother make their sandwiches anyway.