Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML
Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML
Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML
Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML
Today, I realized I get more pleasure from a tampon than my boyfriend I have been having sex with for the past six months. FML
Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML
Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time. I realised that I was more satisfied by last night's dinner. FML
Today, I found out why my boyfriend takes so long in the bathroom. Apparently he has a system for shitting he’s very OCD about: he has to be naked in case poo touches any of his clothes, he has to wipe stood up with one leg elevated, and the whole process takes 10x longer than it should. FFS! FML
Today, I realized it feels better when I sneeze than when my boyfriend and I have sex. FML
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Top comments
suckmyassitsmell 0
Someone is ready for anal!
suckmyassitsmell 0
Too bad this is fake. Girls don't shit. The poop fairy comes and takes it directly from their lower digestive tracts with her magic wand.
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Comments (105)
Zebidee 9
It sounds like you need more lube. In both cases.
Calyx_fml 22
Take a dump... Dump your boyfriend.
fearfulsymmetry 1
If your boyfriend isn't satisfying you, then TALK to him about it Good communication is the key to any relationship. Sex isn't a one way street, it should be mutually pleasurable, and you should help him out if he's not doing anything that pleases you. People can't read minds, so you keeping quiet about it is your own fault. Only YOU can change it. If it still doesn't work after you talk to him, then break it off and you guys can both find people who meet your sexual needs.
f00tball24 0
you're a girl. you should say 'dump'.
BlindGuardian 0
can't hear you!! blablabla!! girls don't poop!
kingtz 6
+1 for anal.
Chunchunchun 3
Clearly you love anal.
sublime2craig 0
Dude a girl talking about taking a dump and that it's satisfying is ******* gross. Wonder how you smell when you do it doggie style.
TheWicked 4
Sounds like you should start having anal-sex instead.
screwedup92 5
thats how was my ex was :/ I broke up with him 3 minutes wasn't enough