Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML
Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML
Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML
Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML
Today, I realized I get more pleasure from a tampon than my boyfriend I have been having sex with for the past six months. FML
Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML
Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time. I realised that I was more satisfied by last night's dinner. FML
Today, I found out why my boyfriend takes so long in the bathroom. Apparently he has a system for shitting he’s very OCD about: he has to be naked in case poo touches any of his clothes, he has to wipe stood up with one leg elevated, and the whole process takes 10x longer than it should. FFS! FML
Today, I realized it feels better when I sneeze than when my boyfriend and I have sex. FML
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Top comments
suckmyassitsmell 0
Someone is ready for anal!
suckmyassitsmell 0
Too bad this is fake. Girls don't shit. The poop fairy comes and takes it directly from their lower digestive tracts with her magic wand.
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Comments (105)
iceingdeath4 0
**** that shit and talk to him about how shitty he is at *******
BigBagel 0
you took the whole shit thing too far Mister
RachelElizabeth7 0
this could be a gay guy?
BigBagel 0
Alaskan *****! they don't last very long but neither does your boyfriend
kenyrabit 25
Eew. I know what that is! - but, perhaps you're right. Combine your pleasures.
dcshoejake 0
Gross.
YouBeenTrolled 0
Do you have a soul? -YouBeenTrolled.
lekiat 0
eat more fiber
farm_dude 0
poop while hes railin it to ya. twice the pleasure then.
howicu 0
way to shit on his ego.(that was my first pun ever)
Doortje 30
Please, let it also be your last.
perdix 31
Give the guy a chance! Maybe if you add some fiber añd castor oil to your diet, your ***** will speed up and your man will be competitive with the time factor. If you get such pleasure with things coming out of your ass, you might see what it feels like to have something coming in . . . and out . . . and in . . and out and iñ...
alice490 0
dump him
perdix 31
Good one! That could be her most satisfying dump yet.
fthku 13
YDI. Sex isn't one way. I find that even when I initially had sex with women who weren't exactly ****-star level, talking to them and giving some constructive critisicsm can do wonders. Oh, they can do lots of wonders..