Today, my dad's conspiracy theory obsession hit a new level of stupidity when he blurted, "False flag" because our toaster stopped working. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML
Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML
Today, my son admitted that he worked out how to make a fuse in my house's fusebox blow, by turning on all the appliances and lights in the house at once. He's done it three days in a row because when the lights go out, I 'scream and act like Donald Duck, but with swearing' and it's hilarious. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, my kitchen nearly burned down because the fire alarm didn't detect the plumes of smoke wafting through the kitchen. This is the same alarm that wails when I use the toaster. FML
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML
Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML
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Top comments
misspulkadot24 17
Well, if the toaster doesn't work, then we don't eat as much bread, which will somehow prevent obesity, which will stop the lawsuits and American stigma. You're dad isn't crazy, he knows the truth!!
xlord 27
Poor America. They are like the popular kid that everyone hung out with only because he had a pool and the latest game consoles but now that his parents are broke everyone bullies him.
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Comments (88)
Wakachulak 22
Wonder what he'd do if Burger King raises prices
buckdharma 38
Evil cats are behind this. The bread they wear actually opens satellite communications, so destroying all the toasters makes purr-fect sense. See the real truth behind cat breading before it's too late!
angel55033 12
false flag? am I the only one who doesn't understand this fml?
monnanon 14
a false flag is an event used to guide a populcae into making the decision the goverment wants them too. the most famous one is 9/11 however not many people believe this was really a false flag.
mangoboy1 19
2 years ago if someone had said that the government is monitoring the communications of its citizens, people would have just called it a crazy conspiracy theory. Some of these theories actually make a lot of sense and have a lot of evidence but some people refuse to believe that their government lies to them.
SpamPam 18
Actually you can say one thing about the toaster. And that is that it was probably built to break. This in order to fuel consumerism and force people to have to buy new ones.
FinJage 18
74 - I'm sorry, but any government 'spying' on its citizens is pretty much obvious and assumable. That shouldn't even be a conspiracy theory nor a surprise.
naiveprophet 15
Turrurists.
SILVERSTAR_6 17
Haha lol but on A serious note false flags do happen. I.e the recent bombing in Boston. When the FBI says not to look at any other photos but what they give you or when the city gets locked down wit militarized police patrolling the streets forcing ppl from their homes or the fact there was a drill on record of the exact same incident then u know it was staged. They play the same script over and over again they think the ppl are so stupid they can openly commit their crimes right in our face. When ppl actually have a brain and think for them selves they're called "conspiracy theorists" by ppl who are dumbed down by the fluoride water and gmo food, etc...
Shadomasta 5
79- Tell that to the people who believe that Snowden is a traitor.
Skyla1 6
Wow thats moronic dont let the odd conspirisist throw off the facts that are out there though