Today, my kitchen nearly burned down because the fire alarm didn't detect the plumes of smoke wafting through the kitchen. This is the same alarm that wails when I use the toaster. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was making dinner when my smoke alarm started going off. I opened all the windows and waved a towel underneath it. After ten minutes, I realized the alarm wasn't reacting to the food. Its battery was dying. FML
Today, my smoke alarm has a tendency to give false alarms. Despite this, it did not go off at all when I was genuinely overcooking food and smoke was everywhere in the house, except for the room I was in. My smoke detector is plotting against me. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner when my smoke alarm started beeping. I opened the windows, turned on the fan, and checked everything twice. I then realized the noise wasn't the smoke alarm. It was my oven timer. I'd been cooking completely normally and panicking for no reason. FML
Today, I was making dinner when the smoke alarm started going off. I opened all the windows and stood there waving a towel at it like an idiot. Then I realized that the alarm was coming from the apartment next door. FML
Today, I found out that our smoke detector doesn't work when my roommate turned on the wrong burner while trying to cook. Our air fryer was on said burner, and it started to melt. It sat there for who knows how long until I noticed smoke everywhere and went to investigate. We don't have an air fryer now. FML
Today, my apartment smelled like something was burning, so I checked the oven, toaster, outlets, and even the hallway. After an hour, I discovered the smell was coming from the candle I had forgotten I'd lit in the bathroom. I had spent an hour investigating a fire that wasn't happening. FML
Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML
Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, I learned how to use a fire extinguisher. Too bad it was on my brand new oven. FML
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Top comments
HaIlegra 2
Oh burn.
_Oblivion_ 12
It was letting you know your toast was done. Evidently your kitchen wasn't done toasting yet.
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Comments (199)
wellthatsukx 0
Lawsuit?
MrsDruidess 23
a lawsuit against OP for bad kitchen skills! lol j/k But really OP, stay out of the kitchen.
HaIlegra 2
Oh burn.
sammyf89 13
HAHA. Perfect opening comment
MichellinMan 20
your smoke detecter is a prick.
justmethough 8
Well your alarm obviously hates toast.
_Oblivion_ 12
It was letting you know your toast was done. Evidently your kitchen wasn't done toasting yet.
zombicidal 11
its impossible for anyone or anything to hate toast it just didn't want it to burn so it alerted You as fast as possible
honeysuckel 0
that's why you need to have an escape plan for your family and animals so you don't die in a fire if it happens but that's ok you can leave the animal don't take it just get out so only you are safe and sound the animal is not necessary As for you OP I am so sorry to hear that sounds like so much muney to use for repais ugh especially in this economy that's not gud
YtotsDI 0
Well clearly you forgot to make the "RING OF COCAINE ACID" and chant "MAKA WATA MAKA WATA" as soon as you noticed the fire. I mean sereously are you stupid? Its common sence. It would have blared instantly if you did
honeysuckel 0
fifty six wut da fck are u talking about man r u high on shrooms?
xXRazelleLuniiXx 9
#56 What the hell does that have to do with anything?
YtotsDI 0
#69 uh read the comment you stupid pixie! I swear i am not om crack. If she had followed those instructions the alarm would have gone off. She deserves it!
AyooXKayytee 0
Dude. Calm down. And it's 'sense', not 'sence'. If you want to make a point, or at least TRY to make a point, be grammaticaly correct while doing so, so people take you seriously.
shyeahh_fml 19
"sereously are you stupid?" ...seriously, are YOU stupid?
ShroomsOnAcid 17
I doubt 56 was trying to "make a point". It was just a very lame attempt at a joke.
okiidokii_fml 6
Wow... Plumes? Wafting? Read the dictionary much
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Seriously, 92? How the f- no, seriously?
KeyboardWarrior 10
#92 Or actually pay attention during English class. #56 Either you misread the FML or that was a horrible joke. OP didn't want it to go off randomly. Although she would have preferred it if it did go off when it was needed.
AyooXKayytee 0
#89. Well, it didn't seem like a joke. He needs to think about what he's going to put, and how people will react to it, before putting it.
DreBeezy 9
Wow, failing all your classes much? But no, seriously, looking at you I can tell that you're at an age where you should already know those words and use them in a natural conversation.
AyooXKayytee 0
If at an age of knowing all those words and using them in everyday conversation, wouldn't that person not be taking classes, or on the other hand, have already taken those classes, AND passed them.?
acidburnz1107 10
To 56 you have me intrigued, what's cocaine acid?
adrianxrawr 0
that's terrible OP... I'm afraid to comment anything else for fear of being attacked by everyone.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
131, I assume it's what 56 was on when she made those dumbass comments. Also, from what I understand, it makes you shout "mata waka mata waka". Sounds pretty shitty if you ask me. I really hope she's not actually 21.
TrollBaby 8
That's hot.
Monkeybuttcream 4
148 You shut your fuc$ing mouth! Ok, now someone do me.
periwinkle95 10
71- who ever calls someone a pixie? Hahah
NevaehGlass 0
Haha(:
KeyboardWarrior 10
114 As I said before, who cares? Not many people who post comments here care about reactions, they post what's on their mind. Try it next time, instead of posting what you think will get the most thumbs up.
154rct 7
YEAH TOAST
oppawoppa 9
Credit card!!!
manumons 8
fire alarm doesn't like you
xSonic 9
That's how I feel about this comment.... Both yours, and mine
cheaptrix 6
Actually, despite common belief, toasters are inanimate objects and cannot "like" or "dislike" anything
cheaptrix 6
Fire alarm*
kittenvks 11
Haha 76! Obviously YOU have not seen The Brave Little Toaster. Shows what you know!
AyooXKayytee 0
The Brave Little Toaster isn't real. Shows what YOU know.
Almighty_Chris97 6
117 - do you just go on FML to ruin people's fun??
jonn090 13
Let's just all get high k2 and ecstasy
MagicGiraffe 12
The Brave Little Toaster is my hero! Don't tell me he's not real! >:(
xSonic 9
He's not real.
AyooXKayytee 0
No, I don't go on FML to ruin 'fun'. I go on to read FML's. And comment. I can say what I want. Freedom of speech. It's a magical thing.
SmallBean 12
Well 157, you might not ruin other people's fun, but I'll ruin yours. You call yourself a grammar Nazi, but "And comment." isn't a complete sentence. Also, freedom of speech isn't as free as you might think. For example, if you write something inappropriate or derogatory, an FML moderator will remove your comment. To sum it all up, you can't say "whatever you want" and frankly... you're not as smart as you think you are.
AyooXKayytee 0
Well, all I can say is nobody's perfect. I do what I do, and I don't really care what people say about it. Also, you didn't ruin my fun, because I wasn't having fun to begin with. I appreciate your honesty, and I'll try to fix the little flaws I have. (Little as in flaws that are able to be fixed). I really didn't mean to "ruin peoples'" fun, but I say things that come off rude or negative. It happens to everyone.
I_See_Purple_Ppl 0
76, why are you taking about the toaster??? He made a comment about the fire alarm not the toaster... Your comment deserves a YDI
boofgall 16
176- congratulations, you've completely made yourself look stupid.
Temi25 6
maybe the fire alarm was dead
live4tomorrow 7
Ahaha mine does the same thing. xP
fancyclown 9
What does your computer have to do with this?
MrLookAtThere 10
Ours used to do that too, then my dad solved it with a hammer. Yea, I think he might have anger issues..
_Oblivion_ 12
17 What the ever loving **** are you talking about?
honeysuckel 0
thaire talking about how she is using her computer to get on this site duh what else do u think jeez
desireev 18
Your fire alarm doesn't detect smoke while your kitchen is burning down?
silver848 6
Where did OPs computer enter this conversation? Mind is blown.
MysteriousX_fml 10
Think theyre talking about the xp at the end there..
I_See_Purple_Ppl 0
17 where in the hell did you get computer out of that comment???
nthom92 4
Hahaha that sucks... I hope your house is all right
minisquid 9
That blows.
FirstTigerHobbes 13
No actually, it doesn't
quite_bored 9
What do you know? You're a squid.
EvilPotato 15
How much times does that comment have to come up before people realize no one likes it when people say "that blows."
KeyboardWarrior 10
108 Who cares? Does it annoy you to the point where simply seeing it annoys you to the point of pacing and hair pulling? If not, it doesn't really matter. Not many people here actually care for thumbs ups and say whats on their mind.
_Oblivion_ 12
It's not the wording, it's the fact of how little thought was put into it. Just to say "that blow" doesnt even consist of any humor or any itelligent matter that makes fml interesting. That's why he went ape shit on him. Good day.
boofgall 16
112- your comment ALMOST does for me.
minisquid 9
My social experiment was a success! I have proven that the people of the Internet have developed an extreme hatred of anything that could be mildly trollish. These results will be published in the next issue of "Interwebz Monthly". Also, my apologies for subjecting you all to this. Here is cake: //*error: cake not found*//
minisquid 9
KeyboardWarrior, you ever heard of freedom of speech? Some (many) people found my comment irritating and pointless (which it was :D), and have every right to bash it as they feel fit (like saying witty things about my species)
KeyboardWarrior 10
164 I think you may have a problem then. I don't really care if I get bashed, you all have the right to bash. I'm just letting you all know that If people really cared for thumbs up, half the shit that gets posted wouldn't be up there. My opinion. Feel free to thumb me down.
boofgall 16
177- I happily thumbed you down. But once more, people aren't always going for thumbs up, they're saying what they want to say.
KeyboardWarrior 10
Exactly.
ladyLALAA 29
Wow guys, this thread blows.
indistructo 3
maybe get a new fire alarm? or maybe the toaster is the problem
SirObvious 1
Maybe her cooking is the problem?
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Obama is the problem!!!11!!
YtotsDI 0
If she were in the kitchen where she belongs she could have fixed it! She deserves it for not being in her place! (p.s. I am a woman but i enjoy those jokes :P )
Jdubbs_14 0
Man your dumb how could the toaster be the problem if the smoke alarm doesn't go off from OTHER KITCHEN APPLIANCES that are making the smoke?
zandermander 1
You're an idiot.
Almighty_Chris97 6
Just think about what your saying man.
Torva_fml 16
Well... From my expert observations, I've concluded that your fire alarm is ****** the **** up. Also, go buy a new toaster.
waveringatom 1
FYL. You need a new alarm system. Same thing happened to mine. The fire department didn't believe me.
TheNewGuy03 29
As they say, "If you can't take the heat, then your motherfucking kitchen is totally on fire." |the kid|
Chixken 6
Time to get a new smoke detecter. :)
illmatic2 16
Well that sounds like a really alarming incident..... I'm sorry that was stupid.
sammyf89 13
Why does your toaster smoke? Do you burn the toast? Lol Time to get a new fire detected, I'm glad your house didn't burn down though.
x_KL_x 7
Yeah, smoking is really bad for toasters he should quit.